ARE YOU WEARING BRAZILIANS?
Are you wearing Brazilians?
It’s very bold of you to mention
Oh they’re some kind of knickers
I clearly wasn’t paying attention
I must admit my mind wandered
When I heard you say Brazilian
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 341
Ding, dong, bell,
Pussy’s in the well.
Who put it in?
I did, because
It’s the neighbourhood bully
ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER TOP?
Are you wearing an Easter Top?
Well I very much like what I see
Because there isn’t very much of it
And the contents are bursting free
DURING THE EASTER HOLIDAY
During the Easter holiday
From coast to coast
What do you call a stuffed animal?
We call it a turkey roast
THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 2
The best Easter actor of all time
Is something of an acting Ophelia
And there can only be one winner
And that would be Bunnie Bedelia
WHEN YOU ARE IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
When you are in a long term relationship
On Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries
Your normally rational other halves
Turn into fire breathing adversaries
And those once happy and joyous occasions
Become life and death quests to test us
To see if we can find the perfect present
And that goes double for Christmas
I DON’T LIKE STRIPPERS
I don’t like strippers
Pouting erotically
Bumping and grinding
Doesn’t do it for me
Nor Pole dancers
Going at it athletically
Lap dancing likewise
Doesn’t do it for me
Watching women undress
That does do it for me
Providing of course
I can find a suitable tree
I’VE BEEN INVITED TO GO AND SEE
I’ve been invited to go and see
Pole dancing and I’m rather keen
The last time I was only ten
And it was on the village green
MY DAD JOINED THE NAVY
My Dad joined the Navy
To see the world
And get out and about
But once he’d seen it
He wasn’t impressed
And wanted to get out
HOORAY HENRYS AND HENRIETTA’S
Hooray Henrys and Henrietta’s
Don’t act like our social better’s
The so called cream of society
Can’t even achieve regular sobriety
Flaunting their wealth and partying
They’re behaviour makes me sick
And they’re only really the cream
Because they are all rich and thick
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