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Thread: High Mark on a Dart Board

  1. #1
    New Secret NewSecret's Avatar
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    High Mark on a Dart Board

    I went to my favorite pub one Friday once the sun had gone down.

    The newly built pub, entitled, "Our Formal Night Tyme Brewery" was

    not even a year standing, being erected in 1892. I was somewhat

    younger then as I am now and with a brighter fire within me in

    those days than there is within me these days.



    The weeks work was done and I was unwinding as I'd always unwound

    on Fridays. My family at home was well use to the weekly retreat

    for me when I'd go to the pub.



    I took my seat at the bar then ordered myself a scotch on the

    rocks to loosen up. The bartender, Victor, was happy to serve the

    drink, being in the ever good mood he was always in and everything

    seemed to go according to habit.



    When I was done with the scotch I ordered a tankard of beer then

    went about drinking it. Very shortly a skinny man with a bow tie

    and a slick suit sat in the next seat over and turned towards me,

    ready to conversate. I nodded in acknowledgement at him and took

    another drink of my beer.



    He revealed from his inner jacket a small picture in a wooden

    frame no more than seven inches tall and four inches wide. He said,

    "What I hold in my hand is no ordinary picture."



    I replied, "And what is the significance of your relic?"



    He said, "There contains inside this picture a secret of great

    value." He showed me how perfectly sealed the picture was,

    turning it around front and back while holding it up to the light

    of the hanging lantern above our heads. His own image in the same

    clothes as he wore was on the picture. Appearing like a highly

    detailed drawing.



    I agreed with him and said, "Yes, I can see that your picture is

    sealed well, but what of your claim that it contains a secret?"



    He proceeded cautiously, fearing skepticism from me, but told me

    his tale anyway, "You see, this picture has a power of it's own

    that depends upon one thing only to make the miracle of it's

    myth work. That thing is that for me to enjoy the power of it's

    secret is to pass it on to someone else. Don't get me wrong, I'd

    witnessed the power of the secret several times before accepting

    it for my own good. I was with a group of friends who were

    explorers. They uncovered this item in a crumbling castle

    somewhere in Romania. Along with it, inside the rusted chest, was

    a note made of thin paper, written in Latin that disintegrated

    when they tried to lift it out of the chest, but not before they

    read what was written upon it."



    I said to him with a half-smirk, not really believing his tall

    tale, "And what was written on the note?" I finished off my first

    beer with a gulp then ordered a second one.



    He said, "A poem was written upon it and went like this."



    "Do not hold onto this for a full day

    The blessings upon you will then play

    When the picture upon this has full changed

    You will know who must take it on their own way

    For a secret within this can be revealed

    The blessings continue when the picture is sealed

    Break it apart then you will know the deal

    The secret within will reinvent the wheel"



    "So you see!" He exclaimed, turning the picture over to show me

    it again then said, "It has changed!"



    I looked down at the picture and yes, I felt a jolt of surprise to

    see that I was in the picture now, not him! I was in the picture

    exactly as I was at the bar, with my tankard of beer.



    It was phenomenal. I didn't know what to say. I laughed in

    amazement. "You know." I said, "You are quite the character. Never

    in my life had I seen such a stunning trick."



    He replied, "Now that you believe me and you've heard the lyric,

    I will now make the offer for you to take it over a game of darts.

    I am now at a crossroads of choice concerning this picture. If I

    let you have it as the picture of you on it now indicates then I

    will receive the blessings that are as I witnessed them with my

    friends, very lavish blessings of miraculous splendor. Or, I

    could choose to not pass on the picture and break it to find the

    secret that is so great that it would 'reinvent the wheel' so to

    speak. Both choices are very attractive and if I choose one or

    the other, I benefit. So it's a win-win situation. What say you?

    Would you like to play a game of darts over this relic?"



    I nodded in agreement, "Yes, I will accept your challenge!"



    We then left the bar for the dart board across the room.
    Last edited by NewSecret; 04-01-2015 at 06:05 PM.

  2. #2
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    I have read another story to you.
    you have a great pen.
    Thank you."New Secret"

  3. #3
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    I'm not sure about the dialogue in places but despite that, I am intrigued enough to want to read more.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  4. #4
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    The story takes place over a hundred years ago? Why? Especially since it includes phrases more commonly heard in 2015, such as "reinventing the wheel," and "win-win situation."

    Even for 1893, the dialogue seems stilted, awkward, and wordy. Try to capture the way real people talk. (Keep your ears open.)

    Get in the habit of proofreading -- you've got the wrong "its." Also the correct phrase is "used to," not "my family at home was well use to. . ."

    Read copious amounts of modern and contemporary short stories. You'll learn over time, almost as in a process of osmosis, how to write an effective story.

    Post some more. Welcome to the NitLet.

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