Hell & Happiness


I thread the strands of hair around my neck
and wait
until my breath becomes still,
close my eyes and drift off into sleep,
for the moments
when it feels impossible to wake,
the tendrils of sleep reaching out
to drag me back down and hold me here
within the dark oblivion,
it becomes so easy to give in
and simply fall away from the world,
to drown in the lucidness of sleep,
floating amid nothingness.

I know I regret all the wrong things,
and I feel your fingers
upon the self-inflicted bruise,
your touch
awakens something within me,
I am summoned from my limbo,
my eyes begin to open like
moth wings.

I live divided with myself,
I want to be Lady Lazarus,
alive and dead,
I want a beautiful love
tempered with self-destruction,
I cannot find the means to choose between
happiness and hell.