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Thread: I would like some people to read this, and possibly give feedback.

  1. #1
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    Mar 2015
    Heflin, Alabama

    I would like some people to read this, and possibly give feedback.

    Kazakein awoke to the sound of rattling chains, moving right past his door. He moved to open it and saw all of the prisoners from House Entanero shuffling passed, bound by their legs. "What is the meaning of this", Kazakein demanded of the guards that were leading the prisoners"
    “We received orders from your mother to bring the prisoners to the courtyard.” one of the guards replied.
    "Where is my mother?” inquired Kazakein. The guard replied," She's in the western tower, with Lord Mieruhn."
    “You’d best remember that Mieruhn is not Lord of this house while our father yet lives."
    “Yes m'lord, sorry m'lord.
    Kazakein headed up to the western tower to confront his mother and brother about this dilemma. Along the way he saw painting of his house, his father and mother were standing on either side of him and Mieruhn, and kneeling on the ground in front of them was their sister, Artemica. Kazakein couldn’t believe they hadn't heard from her in two decades. As Kazakein arrived in the tower he saw his mother and brother seated near the hearth with Gared and Shaelyn sitting with them. “Mother, what is the meaning of this? Why have you released the prisoners?” Kazakein demanded.
    “Kazakein, calm down. Gared has offered information on your father’s whereabouts in exchange for his freedom.”
    “How did you come by this information?” Kazakein asked.
    “It came from us Kazakein, we’re the ones who've been keeping your father...detained.”
    “Where is he you worthless worm?” demanded Kazakein.
    “He is on the surface, being held by one of our allies. I assure you he is in the greatest comfort,” Gared answered.
    “Very well, Mieruhn, release them and escort them to the perimeter of the castle. You may return their armor to them, but no their weapons,” commanded their mother, Danica.
    It was later announced that Kazakein would head to the surface to rescue Lord Sin’Kondovail. He would head out that very day, he would arrive closest to his destination by leaving via the Eastern Road. He was given enough provisions for his journey, and coin to buy more if necessary. He went to his chambers and donned his armor and his sword. He also grabbed the bow that he had not used in ages, he would have plenty of time to practice on his journey. As he exited the castle, Mieruhn approached him.
    “Kazakein, I wanted to wish you good luck in bring our dear old man back to us.”
    “Mieruhn, do you think Gared has really been holding Dad all this time?”
    “I wouldn’t put anything past those slimy dogs. Kazakein there are some things you should know about your sword, there’s no time to explain now. For now, just try to have a mental conversation with it every time you’re at camp. Hopefully one night, it should reply.”
    Kazakein had questions, a million questions, but there wasn’t any time for questions. He simply said farewell and walked under the portcullis. Kazakein traveled for an hour before coming across a great lake. He looked at the stalagmites poking up from the water and the stalactites hanging overhead. He recognized the odd purple sand along the shore, he knew this place. Its name was “No’azar Avanesene” which meant good luck in the Steinmor tongue. He took it for its namesake and pushed onward. He traveled for four more hours and reached the dwarven city of Gumvaldir.
    The town consisted of huge stalagmites with huge terraces and buildings carved into them. At the gate of the town were two huge statues of dwarves, which symbolized the town’s main founders, Dane Strong-Hammer and Raishe Orc-Bane. The statue on the left (depicting Dane) had a hammer that was crossed with the axe of the right statue (which depicted Raishe). It took Kazakein an hour to finally find what he was looking for, a tavern. This tavern, Axle’s Buckle, was located on a terrace at the back of the town commons. From there, you had an excellent view of the ornate fountain that was the center piece of the commons, and was two and a half dwarves tall by Kazakein’s guess.
    Immediately outside the tavern’s door was an extremely obnoxious sign with the words “Axle’s Buckle” glowing in magical bright yellow letters. When Kazakein went in he heard the sound of crashing glass and a lot of yelling. It would seem one dwarf may have had a little too much to drink, if that’s even possible. The tavern was a rather boring place, the only extravagance was the golden belt buckle on display behind the counter. The rampaging dwarf’s beard was the color of straw, the two sides of it came together as a braid below his chin.
    “I ain’t had too much to drink ye durned fool of a barkeep. Maybe I’ll go and get your mother to smack some sense into you, you durned stupid fool!” shouted the dwarf.
    The bartender replied, “You’ve already drank up you’re weekly share of the ale Durgen. Get you’re drunk fool self home!” At that moment a dwarf from the other side of the tavern walked up to Durgen, most likely with the attention of forcing him to leave. Durgen responded to the approach by shoving two of his fingers into the other dwarf’s eyes and then head-butting him three times in succession; he then stormed out the door.
    A dull thudding sound was heard as Durgen, obviously, fell down the several flights of stairs that led up to the tavern. It wasn’t until then that everyone in the bar seemed to notice Kazakein.
    “Sorry, you had to see that friend. Durgen’s been through a patch of tough ore lately,” said the barkeep after everything had settled down.
    “That’s alright, no harm done,” Kazakein replied. Kazakein had a drink and talked to some of the dwarves for about twenty minutes, he asked if any of them new of the conditions on the surface. None of them did.
    Kazakein headed back down to the commons and saw a dwarf, Durgen, sitting on one of the stone benches around the fountain. He look battered from when he feel down the stairs. Kazakein went to him and asked, “I’ve heard that you’ve had some problems lately?”
    “Yeah, what of em’ elf?
    “I wanted details, to see if you might be interested in a proposition that I might have,” replied Kazakein
    “Well where should I start, I was a soldier in the Dwarven Legion, but after I was disbanded I became bored and started to sink into drinking. I lost my job in the mines, and it’s been downhill ever since.” At that moment a troll lumbered through one of the cavern doors and into the town, he began smacking at buildings with the crude iron club he wielded, crushing the walls to bits. Kazakein rushes towards the troll and draws Rot. The troll swings downward at him, but he’s ready and holds his sword high to block the blow.
    The foolish troll fruitlessly tries to break Kazakein’s sword with his club by hitting it again and again. Kazakein pushes at the very moment the club connects, and with his elite strength pushes the creature back a few steps. Before the creature can begin to charge, Kazakein rushes forward with a low slash to the creature’s legs, driving him to his knees. From out of nowhere a dwarf comes flying at the creatures back, and drives the spiked sides of his dual hammers deep into the troll’s head.
    The troll falls to the ground, still and lifeless. Durgen puts his foot on the back of the creatures head and pulls his spiked hammers from the creature’s skull.
    “What was that proposition you mentioned, elf?” inquired Durgen.
    “I wanted someone to travel with on my journey, someone to make the road less lonesome. There would be plenty of battle, and maybe some treasure. I would believe it a likeable experience for someone such as yourself.” answered Kazakein.
    “I accept your proposal. After all, you’re not nearly as weak you look elf,” came Durgen’s overly confident reply.
    “I would like to test your strength in a test of manhood, arm wrestling,” proposed Kazakein.
    “Very well, here marks the death of your masculinity,” Durgen replied confidently.
    They waited until the commons were crowded, after the troll corpse had been removed. They got ready on a stone table. There were quite a lot of onlookers, even a few dwarf lords. After all, it was quite the spectacle, a four foot dwarf arm wrestling with a seven and a half foot elf. One of the people watching was kind enough to count down.
    “One, two, three”. Immediately after the third count was spoken Kazakein sprang into action, pinning Durgen’s arm to and then through the table.
    Durgen fell over and expressed an outburst of extreme agony. Thankfully, His arm was not broken, but it was definitely sore. Durgen and Kazakein departed Gumvaldir later that day, but before they left Kazakein stopped to admire the town and the craftsmanship of the dwarves. The beautiful town built with little overall change to the structure to the cave floor. It was something that only the dwarves were able to do with great efficiency. Even the great light that lit up the cavern was a natural resource that had simply been revealed through mining and carving.
    Eventually, the traveling pair came to two a cavern that had a path on both sides. There wasn’t a sign to specify the right direction.
    “Which way, elf?” asked Durgen.
    “Left, I think,” Kazakein replied. The tunnel they entered was very narrow and went on for at least fifteen minutes. At the end of the tunnel was a very tall but narrow cavern that had one single slender stalactite that took up most of the space. The entire cavern was covered in webs, from the floor to ceiling. Kazakein headed to the right, and Durgen to the left.
    On the other side of the stalactite was an extremely long tunnel. The webs got increasingly thick farther down the tunnel. Durgen stayed in the previous cavern while Kazakein went down the tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was a very spacious cavern; the walls, floors, and ceilings were coated in extremely thick web. In certain places it went to Kazakein’s ankle. Kazakein looked up and saw a horrendous site. Dangling from the top of the high ceiling, were dozens of corpses wrapped in web.
    Before Kazakein could shout at Durgen, a huge spider came down from a hidden alcove high on the wall. Based on the shouts of surprise, a similar spider had engaged Durgen. The spider was as black as night, with eight red, menacing eyes. Its pincers were roughly the size of the spikes on Durgen’s hammers. The spider tried to leap on Kazakein, but Kazakein dodged while swiping right to sever two of the spider’s legs. Kazakein swung but got his sword’s sharp blade stuck in the stone wall.
    Kazakein let go of his claymore and simply punched the spider in the face, hitting three of his eyes with his spiked gauntlet. In the other chamber, Durgen is engaging his opponent, he runs at him, slides and holds the spiked ends of his hammers towards the creature’s underside. He then quickly leaps to his feet and uses him hammer to stab a hole into the creature’s backside. He moves around to face the obviously stunned arachnid and slams the flat end of his hammers on the creature’s head, sending a gout of gore all of Durgen’s face.
    Kazakein hears a shout, “Yuck, it the durned guts got in my mouth. Kazakein refocuses his attention on the arachnid and punches it once more before launching into a flurry of punches. After the last spiked punch, the spider’s head is nothing but a pulp, completely devoid of its former structure. After the spider falls to the ground and Kazakein wipes the gore from his face, he notices something a body in a corner of the room. On the body he finds a belt of lock picks, a large pouch, and a normal looking dagger.
    He takes all of the items and goes to rejoin Durgen whose face is still covered in spider gore.
    “Durgen, for the love of Mortera wipe off your face,” said Kazakein.
    “Oh right, sorry.” Durgen replied, and in turn wiped his face off with a cloth that he kept tucked in his belt. They returned two the cavern where they went the wrong direction and continued on their path. They made camp not long after, in an alcove off to the side of a particularly long and wide cavern. It was there, beside the fire, that Kazakein tried to talk to his sword in his mind. There was no answer, so he went to sleep. Durgen had the first watch.

  2. #2
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    I'm not anyone in authority but merely a fellow NitLetter, but welcome to our beloved site.

    For future postings, please skip a space between paragraphs. Additionally try to keep your verb tenses consistent unless there is an overriding creative reason not to do so. Proofread.

    Hope you enjoy your experiences on the LitNet.

    Last edited by AuntShecky; 04-01-2015 at 04:11 PM.

  3. #3
    Registered User
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    Mar 2015
    Heflin, Alabama
    Quote Originally Posted by AuntShecky View Post
    I'm not anyone in authority but merely a fellow NitLetter, but welcome to our beloved site.

    For future postings, please skip a space between paragraphs. Additionally try to keep your verb tenses consistent unless there is an overriding creative reason not to do so. Proofread.

    Hope you enjoy your experiences on the LitNet.

    OK, thanks for the reply.

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