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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 134

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 134

    ARE YOU WEARING A PLASTIC MAC?

    Are you wearing a plastic Mac?
    Itís a very practical garment
    But wearing it over your clothes
    Was the garments original intent

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 345

    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
    But what I really want to know is how
    He got up there in the first place

    WHEN I GO AND PLAY GOLF

    When I go and play golf, there
    Is something Iíve always done
    I take a second pair of Trousers
    Just in case I get a hole in one

    FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE POETRY

    Falling in love is like poetry
    But when she no longer calls
    Donít start writing her number
    On every single toilet wall

    THE GENERAL CONSENSUS

    The general consensus
    Is that it is inappropriate
    To spank a child, and rightly so
    Therefore with my own children
    And grandchildren for that matter
    I adopted a different tack
    Whenever one of the little darlings
    Goes into ďmeltdownĒ
    I take the unhappy child
    For a ride in the car
    Where I find it possible to talk to them
    Some say it's the cars vibration
    Or the rhythm of the vehicle
    Or maybe itís just escaping
    The modern day gadgets
    Whatever it is I always find
    A twenty minute car ride
    With them tied to the roof rack
    Always does the trick

    DONíT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

    Donít compare yourself to others,
    Whatever else you might do
    Because in all probability
    Theyíre more screwed up than you

    MY BROTHER HAS BEEN SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST

    My brother has been seeing a psychiatrist
    He pays one hundred pounds a time
    And heís been doing it for bloody years
    I think he must be out of his tiny mind

    WHY DO YOU LOOK BEMUSED?

    Why do you look bemused?
    Itís just our point of view
    But sometimes we are not
    Thinking about you

    PLEASE DONíT GET ME WRONG

    Please donít get me wrong
    Itís not that Iím a prude
    And under the right circumstances
    I quite like being rude
    But at the end of the day
    I just find Keith Lemon crude

    MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR

    My wife went to the beauty parlour
    And had a mudpack applied
    Which improved her appearance
    Until it fell off and she cried

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I had not thought about how Humpty Dumpty got on the wall in the first place before. That was also good advice about comparing oneself to others and how it is inappropriate to write one's ex's phone number on toilet walls.

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