21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 365
Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
If I can get one from Pets at home
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 11
If your blind date is described to you
As “Young at heart” it’s just a trick
Read between the lines and see they’re
Trying to fob you off with some old geriatric
ARE YOU WEARING A SNOOD?
Are you wearing a snood?
Well I don’t like to be rude
But isn’t it a bit of a palaver
And it looks like a balaclava
HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU HEARD IT SAID?
How often have you heard it said?
“I am taking it one day at a time”
Well no **** Sherlock don’t we all
That is after all the nature of time
THE MAN GOES ON TOP AND THE WOMAN UNDERNEATH
“The man goes on top and the woman underneath”
That was my sex education as my mother said
So as we were very naïve back then, so for the first
Three years of marriage we slept in bunk beds
WHAT IS THE POINT FOR WOMAN
What is the point for woman of a certain age
Wearing a see through negligee
When all the men of her acquaintance aren’t able
To see through it anyway
I’M DATING A SKINNY PAIR OF TWINS
I’m dating a pair of skinny twins
They’re little more than skin and bone
And they are anorexic, it’s rather like
A case of two birds and one stone
MONEY MAY NOT INDEED BE THE KEY
Money may not indeed be the key
To happiness, but
If you have enough money you can
Have your own key cut
WHY CAN'T YOU RUN THROUGH A CAMP?
Why can't you run through a camp?
Because that would cause grammatical offence
You cannot run through a camp at all
It would obviously “be ran” because it's past tents
I’VE BEEN DOING A SELF-HELP COURSE
I’ve been doing a self-help course
But it hasn’t helped a bit
I’ve attended all the classes
And read the literature, which is ****
I can’t build myself a mountain
Or catch rainbows and such,
I’m better off at home watching telly
And it doesn’t cost so much
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