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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 124

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 124

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 359

    Hickory, dickory, dock
    The mouse ran up the clock
    Which was unusual to find
    A rodent interested
    In chronology

    IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 5

    If your blind date is described to you
    As “passionate and beautiful” don’t try her
    Because in all probability she’ll be
    A Sloppy drunk and a pathological liar

    LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 6

    When you’re only browsing
    In a department store
    Five different sales people
    Sometimes even more
    Pestering and prying and
    Asking if they can assist you
    But when you need a one
    There’s never one in view

    ARE YOU WEARING A COCKTAIL DRESS?

    Are you wearing a cocktail dress?
    And drinking cocktails at the same time
    You do know that wearing one without
    Drinking the other isn’t actually a crime

    I WAS JUST SITTING THERE THINKING

    I was just sitting there thinking
    And wondered why absentmindedly
    The baseball was getting bigger
    And bigger and then it hit me

    MY WIFE AND I ARE SEPARATED

    My wife and I are separated
    And the reason why we parted
    She started all conversations
    After the programs had started

    NUMBERS OF TORTOISES AND TERRAPINS

    Numbers of Tortoises and Terrapins
    In the wild are falling faster and faster
    Biologists and Environmentalists
    Are all predicting a Turtle disaster

    THE RECRUITMENT CONSULTANT ASKED ME

    The recruitment consultant asked me
    “What do you think of voluntary work”?
    “To be honest with you I wouldn't do it
    If you paid me” I replied with a smirk

    NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS YOUR WAY

    No matter what life throws your way
    The future is the cure for all sorrow
    And nicest thing about the future is
    That it will always start tomorrow

    THE POLICE ARE BEING ISSUED WITH PENCILS

    The police are being issued with pencils and
    Very thin sheets of paper, all very low tech
    It’s a new initiative being rolled out so that
    When crimes occur they can trace a suspect

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I liked the answer to the question about voluntary work the best. And why the future is the cure for all sorrow.

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    I still have a hard time decoding those poems!

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    You're right about the cocktail dress, but the reverse is true too. You don't have to wear one to enjoy a cocktail (so I'm told.)

    In this batch, I liked the baseball one and the closing two ditties.

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