21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 359
Hickory, dickory, dock
The mouse ran up the clock
Which was unusual to find
A rodent interested
In chronology
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 5
If your blind date is described to you
As “passionate and beautiful” don’t try her
Because in all probability she’ll be
A Sloppy drunk and a pathological liar
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 6
When you’re only browsing
In a department store
Five different sales people
Sometimes even more
Pestering and prying and
Asking if they can assist you
But when you need a one
There’s never one in view
ARE YOU WEARING A COCKTAIL DRESS?
Are you wearing a cocktail dress?
And drinking cocktails at the same time
You do know that wearing one without
Drinking the other isn’t actually a crime
I WAS JUST SITTING THERE THINKING
I was just sitting there thinking
And wondered why absentmindedly
The baseball was getting bigger
And bigger and then it hit me
MY WIFE AND I ARE SEPARATED
My wife and I are separated
And the reason why we parted
She started all conversations
After the programs had started
NUMBERS OF TORTOISES AND TERRAPINS
Numbers of Tortoises and Terrapins
In the wild are falling faster and faster
Biologists and Environmentalists
Are all predicting a Turtle disaster
THE RECRUITMENT CONSULTANT ASKED ME
The recruitment consultant asked me
“What do you think of voluntary work”?
“To be honest with you I wouldn't do it
If you paid me” I replied with a smirk
NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS YOUR WAY
No matter what life throws your way
The future is the cure for all sorrow
And nicest thing about the future is
That it will always start tomorrow
THE POLICE ARE BEING ISSUED WITH PENCILS
The police are being issued with pencils and
Very thin sheets of paper, all very low tech
It’s a new initiative being rolled out so that
When crimes occur they can trace a suspect
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