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Thread: My Short Stories Feedback Please

  1. #1
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    My Short Stories Feedback Please

    Winter Wonderland
    by Jennifer Paradis

    The air was crisp, flakes slowly fell as gravity pulled on them gently; catching the midday breeze on its way down to earth. I always loved the winter season, watching everything twinkle with snow, the way the sun retracts on each little snowflake.

    Digging through my basket of mismatched gloves and hats I managed to find a match to the purple mitten I had set aside. I tugged on my hat, wrapped my scarf and laced up my boots as I popped the latch on my front door. I let the smell and coolness wrap around me before I let the first footstep grace my dusted front porch. The crunch under my feet brought a smile to my face, I started walking; as I looked back I could see each footstep trailing behind me. Where I was headed I did not know it was a winter adventure. I trudged through the trees admiring the crystals that had formed on the now bare branches. You could still here the odd twittering from the remaining birds. It was so peaceful that I could stay out all day, but the minus 20 weather would only allow me to go a couple hours before my small outer extremities would need immediate attention.

    The trails decline wound me around trees, rocks and bushes; my heart was beating fast, my breath hot in my chest. It took me another 20 minutes to reach the edge.
    I sat on the nearest rock and looked over the valley it’s so beautiful and quiet. Mother nature's greatest work, untouched by man. I closed my eyes and opened up my senses to the vast space. Sounds of owls hooting, creeks babbling and the whisper in the wind grace my ears. Like nature's symphony, whistling one after another. My sense of smell also became heightened; whiffs of pine and the cool crisp air greet my nose like an pleasant memory. Finally opening my eyes, the sun had started to set the purple, pinks and oranges set the sky ablaze.

    As the colors fade to black I started on my trek back to the cabin, the trees now holding an ominous glow as the moon rose to greet me. Finally the solid pine door came into view, the smoke billowing out of my warm oasis. Closing the door behind me I am enveloped in the warm heat of the fireplace and smell of cinnamon. As much as my little trek was satisfying there is also something greatly satisfying with wrapping up in something soft while sipping hot chocolate in front of a blazing fire. As the heat wrapped around me I lay my head back drifting off into a cozy slumber thinking of tomorrow when I could greet winter again like an old friend.
    Last edited by Jenster540; 11-19-2014 at 05:08 PM.

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    Hi Jennifer,

    Well it’s hardly a short story more of an observance piece on experiencing nature and as such it’s pretty good. I liked the chatter style of your delivery, which avoids overused phrases like ‘wondrous beauty’ etc. At the moment you are a writer in search of a plot, when you get one I’ll be one of the first to read.

    Cari.

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    Thank you, I didn't know what to classify it as, this is all very new for me. I really appreciate the feedback as I don't always know if i'm doing things correctly. I do have another story available to post. I feel on the fence about the piece but cant go up with out falling down a couple times right.

  4. #4
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    Her Happily Ever After Was Closer Than She Thought



    “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t have any choice, you don’t pay your rent and you don’t get to live here it’s simple as that. You have the day to pack your belongings and be out of the premises, “He told her.

    Macie Johnson just sat there in disbelief, the building manager had a sad look on his face, but there was nothing he could do, his hands were tied, he had corporate breathing down his neck to either collect rent or put the suite up on the listings again.

    Everything was fine yesterday, life was great. But ever since she woke up this morning, it had been nightmare after nightmare. She finally stood up, wiped the tears from her face and said, “I understand your hands are tied. He was supposed to pay the rent. He left in the middle of the night, I didn’t know.”

    The manager nodded and left. Macie looked around her small apartment; she didn’t even know where to start. She didn’t know what she was going to do, what they were going to do. Looking down at her big belly, she rubbed it lightly. She was only a month away from having this baby and now she has been abandoned by the man she thought she loved and loved her and now homeless. She pulled out her cellphone, she didn’t know how much longer she would have this around considering he paid the bill or she thought he did. But while it was in use she better use it while she can. Looking down at the contacts she scrolled through until she found his name. Henry, Henry was her best friend, they had been attached at the hips as children, he had gotten her out of situations just as bad as a teenager but this time was different. She clicked his name and let it ring.

    “Hey Mace,” He answered.

    “Hey Henry, I need your help,” She told him. She tried to keep it together to get through the conversation but as soon as he answered the phone the sobs started to take over her body.

    “No need to explain, I’m on my way right now. You can tell me when I get there, hold tight,” Henry said.

    The phone clicked, ending the call. She could feel a little bit of relief wash over her, but she was nowhere near being in the clear. While she waited for him to get there, she started to pack her clothes, which were something that wasn’t heavy that she could start on. As she folded the delicate articles, she thought of her mother. Usually that would be the first person she would run to, but ever since she found out she was pregnant that option became exhausted. Macie’s mother wouldn’t even answer her phone calls. She was a disgrace to them, and now it seemed apparent that she was to Jason also.

    Once she was done with her own clothes, she started on the baby’s. She picked up a white little sleeper with the words “Daddy’s Little Miracle” tears started to slide down her face. She heard Henry come in, he never knocked he was like family. He found her in the bedroom holding the article of clothing, face red and blotched with tears. Without hesitation he picked her up and held her close. She unloaded all the emotions into his embrace, life was just a huge weight on her shoulders and Henry helped take some of that burden off of her.

    When the crying ceased, she explained everything, from waking up alone, Jason’s phone being turned off, then the visit from the building manager and being told that she had to get out.

    “I don’t know what I’m going to do Henry. I have no family, no money, no job and this baby that will be here any day. I am the worst mother in history,” She said.

    “Don’t say that, you will be an amazing mother. As for the rest come and stay with me until you can get on your feet,” He told her.

    Henry had always been a shoulder to lean on. He didn’t have a mean bone in his body. They spent the rest of the day packing and moving her stuff, they sold the big furniture and left any of Jason’s belongings to be trashed. The ride back to Henry’s house was quiet, so much to think about. Over the past 5 years they had grown apart. Henry went off to university to be a teacher and Macie just partied. Their lives had gone in opposite directions, but that didn’t change their friendship. Macie always knew she could count on Henry he was always the one to call when she needed saving from a house party or when she got too many tickets and her car was impounded. To Macie, Henry was reliable and mature, and to Henry, Macie was wild, irresponsible but he still couldn’t help but come to her beck and call.

    They pulled up to his house; he purchased it shortly after graduating from university. It was a generous 3 bedrooms and 2 bathroom bungalow. More than enough room for Macie and the baby Henry thought. He helped bring her bags into the house, and set her up in the guest room.

    “Thank you so much Henry, I don’t know what I would of done without you,” Macie said giving him a light hug.

    “It’s no problem; I’m always here for you. No matter what,” Henry replied.

    There was a double meaning behind his voice, but he could only manage to get a smile to replace what he felt in his heart. That night he lay in his room quietly, he could hear her tossing and turning in her sleep. He was doing the same, but it was hard to fall asleep when he knew that he wasn’t alone in the house.

    I don’t know why I do this to myself, she’s right there only five feet away from me and I still can’t get the words to come out of my mouth. Stupid, stupid, why am I so stupid. I will never be more than a friend to her, yet I still convince myself that someday it might change.

    Henry put in his headphones to drown out his thoughts and quickly fell asleep. Meanwhile in the other room Macie was doing the same thing, thinking about everything that has happened and what she was going to do.

    You’d really think that after all this time I would learn from my mistakes, it’s like I’m a naïve teenager again having to call Henry to rescue me from myself. I knew better, I had to know better I was going to be a mother for Christ’s sake. This is why my mother doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, I can’t get my ****ing life together and now I am dragging Henry into my problems…again. Why can’t I find a good guy and not all these losers?

    Macie rolled over and hid her face under her pillow, cursing to herself she let sleep overcome her. Tomorrow was another day. The morning came fast, when Henry woke up he almost forgot of what had happened the previous day until he heard the shower running. This snapped him back into reality; luckily it was the weekend so there was no work. He walked towards the kitchen and started making quick work of some breakfast; he knew that pregnant women needed lots of nourishment to feed the baby growing inside of them. When Macie emerged from the bathroom she was greeted with the pleasant smell of eggs, bacon and toast. She started down the hall and found the kitchen with ease. Plopping down at the table she said, “Thank you so much Henry, and after all you have done you didn’t need to cook for me.”

    “Nonsense, I wanted to do,” He replied.

    They made small talk over breakfast and started to make a game plan. Henry offered the two spare rooms for her and the baby, Macie tried to refuse saying that she didn’t want to be a burden. After a quick back and forth she finally agreed. With that settled and breakfast finished, Henry started to move his stuff out of the extra rooms into his basement so she could have use of them. While Henry was doing that Macie started to explore the house, checking drawers, doors and cupboards to familiarize herself with everything. When henry came upstairs after unloading the last load, they sat together in the empty room that would become the nursery and started to reminisce about the past.

    “Remember in high school when I went to Becky Larson’s Halloween party and that creeper in the vampire costume just wouldn’t leave me alone?” She asked him.

    “Yes of course, you called me to come save you,” He recalled.

    “Yes you were my knight in shining armour always saving me from stupid situations,” Macie said.

    “Well every princess needs a knight,” Henry replied quietly.

    The remark made Henry blush a deep shade of red. Macie laughed at his response, feeling very flattered by it. He helped her up off the floor and they got back to work. Within no time everything was set up. Macie couldn’t believe it, it was even better than what she had gotten finished back at the apartment before Jason left.

    The weeks started to fly by, life was getting comfortable for Henry and Macie, they fell into a routine and got used to each other’s personal routines. The weeks consisted of doctor’s appointments for Macie, work for Henry and a lot of late night movie marathons. There wasn’t much time left before the baby would arrive and Macie was starting to get worried, she didn’t nearly have enough and she refused to take any money from Henry, it was enough that he was letting her stay with him and was feeding her. Later in the week she made an appointment with a family aid worker.


    Henry drove her to the family services building and helped her get out of the car. Macie could barely walk by now, but stubborn as a mule she refused the help to walk into the office. She waddled into the office and checked in with the secretary and sat down.

    “Macie Johnson,” They called.

    Macie rose from her chair and followed the woman down a series of hallways and into an office. When she entered she was greeted by and aid worker named Janine.

    “Miss Johnson, please sit down.” She said pointing at the chair in front of her desk.

    “Thank you,” Macie replied.

    “So I have read over your case file and have a couple questions for you. I am needing to know about your living situation, it is very important for us here to know that you are somewhere safe and appropriate for you and your soon to be new baby.” She asked.

    “I am currently living with my friend Henry, he took me in after my boyfriend at the time bailed on me, I couldn’t keep the apartment we were living in,” Macie replied.

    “And what is the situation with money? I can imagine with you being as far along as you are that you are not currently working?” Janine asked writing on her pages.

    “Well that is one reason why I am here to see you. While Henry is supplying me with free accommodations, I don’t want to burden him with all the extra costs that come with a baby,” Macie replied, she looked down at her hands. While she may be a mess at the moment her pride was something that she held high on her priorities and asking for money was hard for her.

    “I see, well considering your situation I believe we can help you out until your baby turns one then you are required to find work, “ Janine stated handing her some pamphlets.

    “Yes of course, thank you so much,” Macie beamed.

    The rest of the meeting went well, there was a lot of paperwork to fill out, though one thing that made her feel uneasy was because she was single she was told that there would be surprise visits from members of child services to make sure that her conditions were still being met to allow the best environment for her child. Macie pushed that thought to the back of her mind for now, baby wasn’t even here yet she didn’t need to worry about it. She thanked Janine and started to make her way back out to Henry’s car.

    He was sleeping in his seat when she reached the door, he awoke when she pulled on the handle, and he stretched and asked, “How did it go?”
    “Very well, I have been given an allowance of 880 every month, which I am going to give you some money for letting me stay and please don’t say no, I really want to.” She told him.

    “Okay,” He said. Henry didn’t even try and fight her on the matter; he knew how stubborn she could be. He still didn’t feel comfortable about taking the money but he decided just to put it away.

    With the allowance Macie finished shopping for the baby, she hadn’t found out the sex earlier in the pregnancy, Jason had wanted to keep it a secret. Now she wished she had, it was hard shopping on a budget for neutral stuff. With the nursery finally finished and all stocked, Macie started to pack her hospital bag, she didn’t even know what to expect when the time came, she couldn’t expect Henry to stay with her, that was a part of their friendship that just didn’t need to be explored. But she didn’t have long to wait to find out. Late that night Henry awoke to sounds like Macie was hurt. He jumped out of bed and ran across the hall. He knocked on the door, “Macie are you okay?”

    He faintly heard a no…baby…coming… he quickly opened the door to find her hunched over on the floor of the bedroom, his face went white. Adrenaline pumped he carefully lifted her onto the bed, her breathing was fast and intense, her face scrunched in pain. He could see the outline of a puddle of liquid on the floor, he didn’t know all about pregnancy but knew enough that there wasn’t much time. He debated calling an ambulance but he knew that Macie would freak when we received that bill in the mail. He reacted fast grabbing all her bags and throwing them into the backseat of his car. As fast as he could he loaded Macie into the passenger seat and raced off towards the nearest hospital. Traffic at 2am was minimal so they made it there fast. He ran panicked into the emergency ward, sending out many nurses and a wheelchair out to the loading entrance.

    After parking the car he ran back inside searching franticly for a sign of which way they took her. Panic started to set in; he sat down and put his head between his legs. Meanwhile Macie was in and out of consciousness, the pain was so intense she could barely think, halls were zooming past her the voices of nurses and doctors rang all around her but she couldn’t understand a word they were saying. They loaded onto a bed and started strapping every machine you could think of on her, taking blood pressure, IV’s, checking the baby’s heartbeat. Something felt wrong to her, where was Henry he was probably worried sick, the room started spinning, everything was fading in and out. Alarms started beeping, nurses shining lights into her eyes. The next thing anyone knew, Macie passed out and baby’s heartbeat started to plummet.

    Over in the waiting room Henry heard the code being called, he caught a glimpse of a heard of staff pushing a bed down a hall towards the surgery theater. Through the crowds of nurses he caught sight of her, it made his heart jump. Instantly he was out of his seat running after them down the hallway. He was stopped at the door, “Were sorry sir, you can’t go in there.”

    “But where are you taking her, what’s wrong?” Henry asked the nurse.

    “Please Sir we will let you know the status of your wife when we are able,” The Nurse told him.

    “She’s not my wife…”He mumbled to himself. The Nurse had already left through the heavy double doors, leaving him standing alone and worried.
    An hour passed and there was still no word, the worst kept flashing before his eyes. Why hadn’t I told her how I felt when I had the chance…Now she will never know that I love her? I’m such a coward, god Henry you’re so stupid. He sat there with his head in his hands when he finally heard his name. He looked up to see a nurse looking through the crowd of people for a Henry.

    “That’s me, I’m Henry.” He said standing up.

    “Please follow me Henry, Macie is awake.” The nurse told him.

    A wave of relief washed over him hearing that she was awake and okay. They walked down a maze worth of hallways before stopping at a room. They entered and laying in the bed with a big groggy smile on her face was Macie and a beautiful little baby. He moved closer to the bed and sat in the chair next to it.

    “Oh my goodness, Macie! I thought you were…I didn’t know…I’m so glad you are okay.” He stammered.

    “Well at the time I wasn’t okay but I am now, I am more than okay I am perfect,” She told me, smiling down at the little being in her arms. “It’s a girl, I named her Victoria. Would you like to hold her?

    He didn’t have time to respond, she put this tiny little baby in his arms. Henry felt like a giant compared to her. She wriggled and gurgled stretching out her little hands for something to grasp. He stuck a finger out and let her hold onto it. He had heard stories from friends at school what it was like to hold a baby for the first time and it was just as they had described it. He looked up briefly up at Macie, she was absolutely glowing, he couldn’t help but to crack a smile.

    Handing Macie back the baby, he took a deep breath and said, “Macie, we have been friends for as long as I can remember and almost loosing you back there made me realize that I don’t want live the rest of my life with regrets for not telling you how I feel. I love you Macie…I have since we were teenagers but I just couldn’t gather the courage to tell you. When we were talking about old times and you called me your knight in shining armour, I want to be that man for you, I will always be here for you and now for Victoria I swear on my life.”

    Tears started to well in Macie’s eyes, part of her knew that he had feelings for her all this time but she had acted selfishly and blindly. Here standing in front of her and who had been there no matter what was the man she had been trying to find, she just didn’t look close enough. She managed to get the words “I do too” to escape her lips as she pulled him in for a kiss.
    Four days later Macie was finally well enough to go home, Henry picked them up, loading them both carefully into the car. As they pulled up to their house Macie couldn't wipe the smile off her face
    God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you were meant to be.

    The End
    Last edited by Jenster540; 11-19-2014 at 03:03 PM.

  5. #5
    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Jennifer,

    This is a good effort, and I can see that it’s the result of a lot work, emotion, and thought. It’s also welcome to find a story with a happy ending. From your other earlier comments/posts, it sounds like you might be a beginning writer. If so, I think you are making a good beginning.

    I’ll offer just a bit of what I hope you’ll consider constructive feedback. While the dialogue is good and the plot moves along, the story itself seems to me to be a bit formulaic – girl, pregnant and destitute, rescued by an old friend who has secretly been in love with her many years; he confesses his love after a crisis and then they live happily ever after. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s just not very exciting or remarkable.

    It might help if you develop the characters a little more; as they are, they are somewhat superficial. You hint at Macie’s “wild, irresponsible” past, but don’t really give any details. It might help develop her character more, and make her a more complex character, if you provided some of that detail, perhaps relating some past incident in the form of a flashback. Same with Henry – you provide a little background, telling us that he had always been Macie’s best friend and a shoulder to lean on, and that he has a nice, big house, but other than the fact that he has always been in love with Macie, we don’t know anything more about him. You did a good job in presenting their current situation and relationship, but both of the two main characters seemed to lack much depth. I’m not sure how you might remedy that in this particular story, but it’s an observation that you might want to keep in mind as you continue writing other stories.

    Finally, please do go over your work very carefully for punctuation and grammar. You appear to have a tendency to use commas instead of periods or not to use commas or periods at all. Everyone makes these types of mistakes; but they become a problem when they become so frequent that they interfere with the reader’s ability to focus on the story. When I read the very first sentence –

    “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t have any choice, you don’t pay your rent and you don’t get to live here it’s simple as that. You have the day to pack your belongings and be out of the premises, “He told her.

    - I almost didn’t bother to read the rest because, frankly, all the missing commas and periods made the writing seem amateurish. But I did continue to read, and was glad that I did, because the story and how you presented it was certainly not amateurish. What I felt most was the sincerity that you, as the writer, put into the piece, and that – sincerity – is perhaps the most important part of writing.

    Welcome to LitNet and I hope my comments are not too demoralizing. Whenever I post a story, I think, “Finally, I have my masterpiece!” only to have all its shortcomings pointed out rather quickly by commenters. But I take those comments as they are meant, as constructive criticism, and keep them in mind as I plod through my next masterpiece.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    Thank you so much for the feed back of course I take everything as contsructive criticism this is the reason why i joined. I have been on the fence about this piece but didnt know where it was lacking so your feedback is much appreciated. I have for as long as I have been writing been very horrible at grammar and what to use properly it is something I need to work on. I have never been able to wrap my head around it and truly understand where they are proper. I didn't divulge much into the characters cause I had finished writing a 16,000 word piece so when I started this I didn't want to drag it on cause i could if I really wanted to. But if it makes the story a little flat then for sure I will go through it and try to revise it or take that into account on my next piece.
    Last edited by Jenster540; 11-25-2014 at 01:28 PM.

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    And this for sure was not a masterpiece so your comments are not demoralizing at all. I know I am starting out and I don't know where I'm going wrong if I don't let people read what I have written

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    Would anyone be willing to read my 16,000 word story. My friends have read It and loved it but I don't know of they are just being bias because they are my friends. I put a lot of work into it and would like some constructive criticism on It. If so please message me with your email address and I'll send it along thx

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    Excerpt from something new I have started. Want to see if people would keep reading.


    White Walls


    The walls of my “cell” were stark white, they told me it was supposed to be calming and not over stimulating. I saw them as draining; they sucked all the will to live right out of me. If you peered into my room you would see a frail frame sitting on a tiny single bed always deep in thought. When in reality I was trapped in my own mind. I wasn’t always like this you know, my therapist has told me that my current state has stemmed from my traumatic childhood. I don’t want to be here in this place of so called healing but how does one crawl out of a hole dug so deep since childhood? Sometimes I feel like a small lonely child screaming for help at the bottom of a well, but no one can hear me.

    It was getting late, I only knew this because I could hear the shuffle and chatter of nurses changing shift through my door. I wasn’t fortunate to get a room with a view but this isn’t some resort on the beaches of Mexico with the ocean to look at over the balcony of your posh suite. No this was the Proctor Grumann mental health hospital in Maryland. What I would give for a posh suite, instead I am left with my virtually empty white box. Nothing left to do for the night, so I squeezed onto my tiny bed, almost too small for my 6ft frame and drifted off into a restless slumber.

    Morning came too early; I got up from my bed and entered my tiny bathroom. I looked into the mirror; I barely recognized the face staring back at me anymore. My once full face was now thin and bony, my eyes could tell you stories you only heard in horror films. I looked away and washed me face, today was therapy day while I enjoy interacting with other people, the memories that Dr. Mitchell made me recall always leave me weak and tired. Exiting the bathroom I am greeted by my morning nurse.

    “Hello Mr. Johnson here are you medication,” she said handing me a small cup of pills. “Dr. Mitchell is waiting for you in his office if you’ll please follow me."

    I tipped the cup of pills into my mouth and took a swig of water that she handed me. I showed her my empty mouth, reassuring her that I took the meds then proceeded to follow her down the halls towards the doctor’s office. She knocked quietly, Dr. Mitchell answered, “Thank you Miss.Porter. Please Charles come in.”

    I walked into the familiar office, I have been coming to this same office for almost two years now and it never seemed to change. The same books lined the walls, same stacks of papers piled the counters and even the smell was the same. I sat down and waited for Dr. Mitchell to dig into my subconscious like he does every week trying to cure me of my current state of mind.

  10. #10
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    In response to your story, White Walls ...

    I agree with Carousel. I like the straight up way you write. Your restraint with regard to using ostentatious phrasing is well appreciated.

    I'm not sure where you are going with this piece (White Walls) but I think you have a marvelous opportunity to create a story within a story. The meetings with Dr. Mitchell could serve as the vehicle for the telling of the past events of the narrator's life which resulted in his current mental state. Vacillating between the present and the past could also serve as a means to display how the narrator reacts to events in the present based upon what the reader has learned of his past. Lots of interesting possibilities with this piece. I'd be interested in reading more as you continue.

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    Thanks you for the feedback I have big plans for white walls the doctor is going to use hypnotherapy to divulge in to his past so you find out why he's there in the first place
    Last edited by Jenster540; 11-26-2014 at 11:03 AM.

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    Yes, I also thought the White Walls excerpt was interesting and would like to read more. And yes, there are many, many ways you can go from this introductory scene. It sounds like you intend to tell the story of the patient's history in the form of a dialogue between the doctor and the patient through hypnothereapy. One thing you might consider, in addition to have the patient tell his story this way, is to add some tension/conflict in the dialogue between the doctor and the patient (you've already hinted that there might be some tension there). And/or you might even have the doctor bring in some of his own history that could add to the tension between them. This would make both characters more complex and, if handled deftly, the tension/conflict between the two might be as interesting, or more interesting, than the patient's actual history.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    I suggest that you spend more time reading than writing. Of course you should do both, but at this point read alll the modern and contemporary fiction you can get your hands on. As you read each short story, ask yourself not only what the author is saying but how he is saying it. Every story is different, every author's style is unique, but in time you'll notice that all the writers have one thing in common (other than being published) and that is every one of the stories brings something new into the world. The author presents a different perspective on the human condition, shines a light on life in an entirely fresh way.

    When you write your own work, tell your story in such a way that only you can tell it. Learn from the masters, yes, but don't try to copy them directly. (That's what critics say when a young author's story or poem is "derivative.")

    And the criticism is especially valid when they warn a writer against using "clichés." Even if you scrupulously avoid worn-out phrases, you still have to steer clear of banality --same old, same old situations recited as if by rote, superficial and literal narratives. Rule number one: show, don't tell.

    Good fiction is more than a mere recapitulation of a mood or a descriptive passage. Not all short stories show a character who changes, but in most good fiction something actually happens.

    Keep your ears and eyes open. Get to know human beings inside and out. How do we talk, how do we think? How do we express emotions? Don't merely write "I'm angry" or "My mother was embarrassed." Show us behaviors that illustrate those particular feelings.

    Remember words are your tools. Collect them. Learn them, use them correctly, but most importantly put them together in never-before-imagined ways.

    That's enough for now. I don't want to keep you from your reading.

    Welcome to the NitLet.

    Auntie


    PS-- What's up with the unusual text arrangement. We don't often see prose paragraphs indented this way.
    Last edited by AuntShecky; 11-28-2014 at 12:45 AM.

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