Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: New Poem - Any tips or suggestions?

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    The great state of Texas
    Posts
    6

    New Poem - Any tips or suggestions?

    The smell of your perfume
    and the way that you move
    is like a magical spell
    or an intoxicating dream

    You’re here by my side
    Laying ever so still,
    I study you naked body
    And move closer to touch your skin

    In an attempt to discover
    with each delicate kiss
    the most intimate secret
    treasured in your soul

    Explore every inch
    of that beautiful paradise
    possess your body and with each touch
    type my name on you

    Making you a part of me
    And me a part of you
    We give birth to joy, a sudden bliss
    I’m charged with life and power

    A mysterious energy
    that I only get with you
    and when I have you in my arms
    I admire the beauty of your being

    As the sun , you enlighten my soul
    You the perfect creation
    My eternal source of inspiration
    The breath of life that guides my way

    An erotic glimpse of what could be
    Creating a passion deep in my soul
    I cannot fight the waves, the sea
    Cannot live without you to hold.

    Leading you to a unique universe
    that only belongs to two,
    to a land of passions,
    where I undress your shyness

    With a warm embrace
    free the ghosts of the past
    surrender your body and mind
    to this longed temptation

    Burn in my soul the taste of your kisses
    A desire to stop the ruthless time
    and stay forever prisoners
    of this sweet and insane passion

    In this forbidden state
    I drink forbidden wine
    My lust for you is great
    You’re always on my mind

    Passion never ending,
    Never yielding, Never old
    I drink of you forever
    Secret love I’ve never told.

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Near Chicago, Illinois USA
    Posts
    9,420
    Blog Entries
    2
    I liked the idea of a touch being like typing one's name on someone as well as the last stanza where the surprise of her not yet knowing is presented although this seems to be not the case in

    Regarding tips to make it better, I would make it clearer. The "forbidden state" puzzled me, for example. Why is it forbidden?

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    132
    For me poetry is not a simple expression of personal emotions, its purpose is to inspire an emotional response from the reader.

    Think about that and you will begin to write poetry.

Similar Threads

  1. Poem with lots of formal elements - suggestions?
    By azurite in forum Poems, Poets, and Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-12-2012, 12:07 AM
  2. Need suggestions for an inspirational poem
    By hirr in forum Poems, Poets, and Poetry
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-16-2009, 02:39 PM
  3. my poem Any suggestions??
    By UltimaHybrid in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 05-31-2007, 10:12 PM
  4. Help! How to improve this poem and some suggestions
    By brokenheartpoet in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 02-06-2007, 10:08 PM
  5. A Poem to memorize - suggestions, please
    By Suzieq47 in forum Poems, Poets, and Poetry
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 06-28-2006, 03:13 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •