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Thread: PARAOPIA by Ben Shade

  1. #1
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    PARAOPIA by Ben Shade



    Ben Shade


    At an unknown time there is a place that is so evolved you think it would be the future of the world you live in, but you can see such a destruction, brutality, crime, tyranny and dictation, you might not think that it is possible for human beings to be that ignorant to let it happen. Sure, there were many horrible things in the world, like catastrophes such as wars, dictations like the Third Reich or terror like 9/11.

    But the place I'm talking about is much more than that, it's Opia. Opia is a city nightmare, where oppression dominates, where people are killed on the streets and where the government tells the citizens what to do, what to think, what to say. There are huge colorful billboards, steam comes out of the canalization, it's dark, it's rainy. The people who live there have never seen the sun in their lives before. When you look at the clothes that you or people around you wear, you soon realize that the clothes in this place are very different. Fuzzy materials, strange styles combined with dark and cold schemes. Opia might be a horrible, filthy place but the technology there is very advanced. There are flying cars, the so-called Evo, there are robots who provide many different services, many advanced telecommunication devices and other fascinating things.

    With a closer look on Opia, I have to tell you that it is located on earth. A long time ago earth got in control by a small political party called SECOR, which is short for Second Order. They got more and more power over the years and soon they founded a new state called Opia that they now rule with their totalitarian regime. Before they got power, half of the planet was destroyed because of nuclear wars and people died because of hunger as well. The eastern half of the planet was the part that got hit by nuclear missiles. Since then no foot can be put there and there couldn't possibly exist life anymore. The western part of the planet still existed but the continents like North America, South America and the other parts like Western Europe and Western Africa were overtaken by the population. Then SECOR came and promised people new order, health and safety. That was the perfect chance for the obsessed party to rise to power. Through well performed propaganda, strong violence and mind control they got most of the people to do what they want.

    The party's strong belief is that the members of the party are the elite of humanity and that the other people are the underclass, the scum, the filth. And that is the thought that they put in the people's minds.

    With the advanced technology that were developed over the years the party could expand their territory with the massive Opia city that ranges from the north of Greenland to the Western part of the Antarctica. As a result of the strong oppression by SECOR, most of the people are their subjects but there are some people that have control over their own minds and those form a resistance party called RECOHAR, which is short for Recover Harmony. The party is led by their mysterious leader Libera, whose identity only a small group in RECOHAR knows. The people in this party keep a low profile in the society so that they can't be arrested by the government. Meanwhile they plan and participate in propaganda actions to attract the attention of the population that they should have the power over their own minds and that they should rebel against the SECOR party to become free and equal. Because of the now more often performed actions by RECOHAR, the Statorg, the state organization, the agency of SECOR, hunts members of them, but only with little success.

    In this particular time period robotics play a big role. More and more robots and other robotic machines are manufactured by the government to support their actions against the population like the expansion of the Statorg, through robotic agents. SECOR are absolute supporters of robotic engineering. As time went by more and more people used old parts of the government's robots to doctor themselves or others by connecting the parts with their bodies. With these techniques they created corrigates. Corrigates are humans with robotic or mechanical body parts.

    SECOR sees a huge threat in the corrigates because as corrigates people have the power to artificially expand their minds and bodies. That could lead to improved thoughts or body strength and so the people would be more dominant and the government couldn't control them anymore. So to protect their state they established a law that all corrigates are criminals of the state of Opia and everybody who sees a corrigate has to report to the government. From then on the government arrested corrigates and also people who had contact with them. People who come under suspicion to be corrigates are arrested and have to take a test, called the Čapek-test. In this test the person gets undressed and has to show every part of its body. The person gets tortured to see if it is a corrigate, if it's not a corrigate, it is set free and has to pay the spending. If the person is strong enough to survive the torture, it is brought into the Mors Castra, a special facility where they have to work hard, get involved into deadly experiments or get killed immediately. The resistance party RECOHAR also fights for the civil rights of corrigates, what makes the party even more unpopular...


    A garden is there, filled with animals: foxes, lions, parrots, deer and many others, always in pairs, not alone and the birds are singing and the sun is shining, as bright as it can. The shadows of the green trees are reflecting in the deep blue water, water so clear you just have to jump in there to experience the fluid gold on your body and in your throat. While your thinking about the beauty of such a wonderful nature a sensual laugh rings through your ears. A woman's laugh. And then right before your eyes there is a juicy red apple, hold by a hand with a clearly visible soft skin. And you want to turn to your right to look at the person that hand belongs to, but...
    ... you awake. But not you awake, Reman awakes. Reman Heres.

    He awakes in his bed, in a big bedroom. Slowly he rises his head. He puts his hand on the head and thinks, maybe about his dream. He has short light brown hair, a three-day beard, he looks stressed. His well trained body rises up from the bed. He's naked, like he always sleeps. He rubs his eyes because he's tired. He puts on his clothes. A shirt with strange colors, there is blue, green, red, black at the same time. Then he ties a thing that looks like a cross between a tie and a bow tie around his neck. Also his pants are very fashionable, all black, with an interesting cut. His shoes are high cut boots, also black. At the end he wears a black leather coat over his shirt. On his right sleeve there is a red triangle with a black circle on it. Under the sign there is an R. A watch adorns his wrist, it's black.

    He lives in an apartment in the state of Opia. In the district Ratio II. Ratio II is one of the three districts of Opia. There is Magnus I, the district where the upper class lives. Ratio II, for the
    middle class and Parvus III, for the under class.

    Reman is a cybernetics doctor who works for SECOR, where he develops different robotic systems for the robots of Opia. He is an acknowledged and educated citizen who even owns his own workshop where he works on his robotic designs. After he finished his designs he goes to the Turris, the tower-like headquarter of SECOR in the center of Opia and gives them his designs personally. The people rumor that there is also the prison and the Crucia, the place where people are tortured.

    Many years ago, Reman stranded on the coast of Opia, he woke up and didn't know who he was, where he came, what his name was, if he had family, nothing. He was just a lonely man. He came into the state as a complete stranger.

    An old man called Serv offered him food, a home and gave him work. Serv was a cybernetics doctor and worked for SECOR. He gave Reman a name and introduced him to the cybernetics work. Reman showed great talent in the field. He always helped Serv with his work. Serv always told Reman to have control over his own mind, so that the government could not have a chance to manipulate him. He also told him never to say one bad word in public against SECOR, so he wouldn't get in danger. Serv hated SECOR with all his heart and had great hope that one day the world will be in never-ending peace. A few years later, Serv died. Reman was devastated because he was his only real friend. Because of his great talent in cybernetics he took the workshop and job from Serv.

    Now Reman lives with the friendly robot Cultor, who he created after Serv died, because he was so lonely. Since then they're best friends. They live together, they eat together, they work together, they play, they talk. Sometimes so long that Reman falls asleep. Cultor is a very tall robot, with a square head, he has thin arms and legs, his hands and feet are also very thin but at the same time extremely delicate. His big green lighted eyes are very friendly and his voice is just funny. He is always nice and he can cheer you up when you are sad.

    As a good and honest worker in the important cybernetics field, Reman has a solid distinction especially at SECOR. He is also a member of the party but secretly he hates the party like Serv did, but hopes to have an advantage in the society because of his membership. Because of his memory loss and because he is just a few years in the state he is in the middle class of Opia. People who come from rich families or have special abilities that are profitable for the party are usually the Magnus, the upper class. They have the SECOR sign on the right sleeve with a M under it, which stands for Magnus. People who are not members of the party or uneducated people who have normal jobs, often called the workers, are Parvus, the under class. They have the Parvus sign on the right sleeve: a reversed red triangle with a P under it, which stands for Parvus. People who are members of the party but have some questionable backgrounds like Reman are usually Ratio, the middle class. They have the SECOR sign on the right sleeve with a R under it, which stands for Ratio. But there are also two kinds of people who don't have civil rights: RECOHAR members and corrigates. Also the districts are named after the classes but with the numbers I, II and III behind them. The difference between the three classes is, that the Magnus have better resources like food and drinks, a cleaner district and are the leading power of the society. They make up 10 % of the population. The Ratio live in a dirty district, have not that much resources and are watched by the Magnus. They make up 30 %. The Parvus are the people who live in a rotten district, nearly everyone is absolutely uneducated and believe everything what SECOR says. They are mostly the invalids, the poor and the criminals, and they make up 60 %. The government also created Novos, a new language, inspired by the ancient Latin. They use it for their propaganda tactics to manipulate the people. Vetos, the normal English is forbidden. Every citizen has to speak Novos. be continued.

  2. #2
    Registered User Calidore's Avatar
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    Mar 2011
    Hi, Ben. What you have here isn't a story, but two chapters of almost pure exposition. Some is background information that could be shuffled into a story, and some reads like summaries of what should actually be the story, like the information on Reman.

    Look at this again and try rewriting it (or a part of it) as an actual story, showing us these things instead of just telling us about them.
    You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Gandhi

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