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Thread: Hull Breach by Jake Drohman

  1. #1
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    Hull Breach by Jake Drohman

    “The launch please, it’s just off Jefferson Street.” I told the Cabbie as I shut the door and got comfortable for the long ride ahead of me.
    “You get to go on The Frontier? You must have some connections.” He stated enviously.
    Frontier, being the shuttle scheduled to depart to the I.S.S. later today. I was selected as part of the American group where I would represent my country on this one of a kind expedition. This experiment was meant to test the viability of cohabitating in space. Hand-selected people from all over the world would come together to represent the unity of our countries colonizing this new frontier.
    “Yupp, I’m part of the American group.” I responded
    “Don’t you have to be some fancy-schmancy rocket scientist or something to get picked?” he questioned.
    “Actually, I’m a plant physiologist, and I’m going there to...”
    “Yeah, yeah” He cut me off, “Just do this country proud son.”
    I got hung up on him calling me son. It seemed ill-fitting as the age difference wasn’t very substantial. I was twenty, and he appeared to be in his thirties. The thought quickly fled from my mind as I dozed off dreaming of what it was going to be like on the station.

    “Hey! Hey kid, wake up,” he said sternly as I awoke in a daze. “we’re here.”
    I blinked as my contacts rolled back into their correct position and I grabbed my bags off of the seat next to me.
    As I stepped out of the car, I looked at the unbelievable sight that was The Frontier. I’ve seen what it looked like on TV, but in person it was definitely a sight to see. I took out my wallet and paid the cabbie with a decent sized tip because he let me sleep the entire ride there, and I snore like an ox. Strange, I thought I had more money than what I had in my wallet. I turned and waved slightly at the cabbie as he drove off. He seemed eager to leave for some reason.
    Upon arrival, I passed through several layers of guards from different militaries that strangely resembled airport security. While passing through the final layer of security, I was greeted by a woman who anyone could tell hated her job and would let everyone know it. Of course, out of everyone walking through the line, I was asked to step aside.
    “Would you please step aside sir,” she asked politely.
    “Really? Look, I don’t have anything in my…”
    “Sir, step side.” she ordered with a much more commanding voice
    “Fine” I snarled.
    After patting me down and waving the metal detector over me, I was eventually able to continue down my path towards the shuttle. Finally, I was allowed into my seat and sat there awaiting the approaching departure.
    Bored, I looked back to the rest of the passengers in the shuttle and noticed a face that was hard to miss. She had a very soft face, light brown hair, and bright green eyes. She wore the jumpsuit along with everyone else, but she looked different. She looked almost worried about going to the space station that was completed but years before. Her expression was that of someone who was going to get caught shoplifting. Suddenly, the pilot’s voice played over the intercom, running through safety features and procedures for the shuttle. I turned back around, realizing that this information could prove useful in one of many, unlikely, but tragic scenarios.
    “If you would please take a second to notice where your nearest exit is and review the safety pamphlet in the seatback container. It contains detailed descriptions of everything I just talked about.” Said one of the pilots over the intercom. He continued stating the same information in another language as people on the shuttle were from all over the world.
    I strapped myself into the seat and waited patiently for him to finish the safety briefing and finally take off. After what seemed like ages, the voice announcing the launch to viewers had started counting down from 50. Excited, I tried to prepare myself for the amount of force that would be placed upon me during lift-off.
    “10,9,8”
    I felt the ship’s engines begin to rumble as they powered up.
    “7,6,5,4”
    I clutched the arm rests.
    “3,2,1”
    Then I was instantly thrown into the back of my seat. The force of takeoff made me feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest and made me practically deaf as the sound of the booster rockets firing was increasingly overpowering.
    The weight lightened up as we got higher and higher in the air. The booster rockets had separated and soon enough we began to feel the weightlessness of space. It was amazing to feel actual zero gravity for the first time. The only way I can describe it is mesmerizing. They had a simulator on earth but it didn’t compare to experiencing it for real.
    I glanced out the tiny window to my side and noticed the space station slowly drifting into view. Suddenly, I felt the shuttle shaking as if something had broken. Then the pilot spoke into the intercom again.
    “Sorry, we’re just experiencing some technical difficulties but we will get to the station just fine.” He assured
    The tension in the air was palpable, but we arrived without a problem moments later.
    We slowly lifted ourselves out of our seats and filed out into the tube where there was gradually increasing artificial gravity so that you could get your bearings without falling flat on your face. After exiting the space shuttle and standing myself up in the artificial gravity, I was directed down a long hallway and into what would be my room for the next six months. The bleakness of the room was substantial and I came to realize that it was probably the standard room design for everyone that was on the I.S.S. There was a flat, and however neat, uncomfortable looking bed against the back wall with a small table with a lamp attached to the top right beside it. Everything was grey and looked dull.
    I set my bags down and stepped over to the locker that was on the other side of the room. It had a fingerprint scanner and a note on the screen just above it that said “Check in”. I put my thumb on the scanner and it lit up green.
    “Welcome, Steve Scooter, to the I.S.S. Here we carry out experiments and tests that humanity benefits from immensely. We have an incredibly strict non-violence policy here and expect you to follow it. Be warned, if you stray from the rules, disciplinary action will be brought down upon you. As per specific orders from the president herself, you will be placed into quarantine for 24 hours upon arrival. Enjoy your stay!” The electronic voice played again in my head, recalling the details and important information and making sure to make an effort to remember it.
    Curiously, a slot right next to the locker opened up in the wall. A small counter slid out of the wall and on it was a tray with a full meal. I grabbed the tray and immediately the counter slid back into the wall and the slot slid closed.
    As I sat there and ate my food, I reflected on the events of today and it felt incredibly surreal. Before I was offered to go on the space station, I didn’t have a care in the world. I had always got great grades, but because school was often easy for me, I became somewhat lazy and would not go to most of my college classes. After I got the offer, I turned my act around so fast people thought I was someone else. And after today, for the first time in a long while, I felt like I had accomplished something substantial and felt incredibly good about it.
    After having finished my food, I placed it on the floor close to my bed and I heard the computer say “Lights out.” I rolled over and let myself fall asleep.

    The next morning, having to remain in quarantine for the better part of today, I decided to take out my laptop and just start typing. I wasn’t a huge writer but I had often thought that I had different and interesting ideas for stories. Regardless, it kept me busy when there was nothing else for me to do. After writing most of the day and only really stopping to eat, I had a pretty decently sized story in front of me.
    It was a story of how Kurt, the protagonist, struggled with the forces of evil as he had to fight through hordes of aliens on his futuristic spaceship. He made it through, but at great cost. In the end, he had to ram the ship into the sun to kill all of the aliens and he narrowly escaped with the few surviving crew members on board.
    “Quarantine has ended. Please report to the dining hall for dinner.” The electronic voice sounded. I was shocked to realize I had spent all day writing a story. I got up, stretched, and headed out of my room towards the dining hall.
    I got directed towards my assigned seat having grabbed my lunch tray and generously giving myself some food. With the artificial gravity of the room, it felt exactly like a high school cafeteria. Strangely enough, the girl that I had noticed on the shuttle during the launch was seated just across the table from me.
    “Hey… How’s it going?”, said Steve nervously.
    “Fine.” She stated quickly as if she was focussed on something else.
    “Oh… Ok” Steve continued sadly as if he’d been rejected.
    Suddenly the alarm blared indicating that there was some sort of hull breach on the ship. Everyone was looking around dumbfounded.
    “Come on! Get to the escape pods!” ordered one of the guards. He waited while the rest of us ran past him and down the hall where the labels on the wall led us. I looked around just in time to see the guard get thrown out of my view down the long hallway. Kelly was following slightly behind as we neared the escape pods and realized that the station was being evacuated due to a major breach in the hull.
    I ran into the second escape pod as the first one had been jettisoned into the void of space and realized that everyone inside was wearing officers uniforms. I quickly assumed that they had just come from the headmaster’s chambers which was adjacent to the public Cafeteria. The soldier next to me tried to shut the door as the capacity was full but he was cut off.
    "You have to wait for my daughter. Kelly come on! Run!" She demanded.
    Just then we could all feel the force of air being pulled towards the cafeteria. "I'm sorry." The guard said as he shut the door and the only thing that anyone could do was watch as bodies flew past the small window in the door. The headmaster broke down and started crying as we were jettisoned away from the station and began drifting towards the earth with the space station still in view.
    "I wonder how this could have happened... This is awful." I said in a very somber tone.
    "It's all my fault!" Declared the headmaster, still crying into her hands. “I was lazy and didn't pay for the proper repairs to save some money and now my daughter is dead because of it!"
    "What are you talking about Laura?" Another officer standing next to him asked "This was just a freak accident and we ..."
    "You all know damn well what we did! We cut corners to save money. That's it, and I'm never going to be able to live with myself because of it."
    Everyone was silent as we could now see the entire space station through the small window on the door. It began to collapse in on top of itself and then exploded into a cloud of shrapnel that hurtled towards the earth as we did.
    As we landed back on earth, the headmaster confessed to what she had done and they were arrested on the spot. As for me, I thought I’d go back and be with my family and pray for Kelly. Because even though I didn’t know her, she will be missed.
    As we landed near New York City, I walked towards the street to get a cab back home after giving the police my statement. As the cab stopped I saw the same cabbie that had taken me to the launch not days before.
    “Hey kid, here’s your money back.” He said apologetically. “I feel bad stealing from you after everything you went through. Where would you like to go? It’s on me.”
    “Take me home”

  2. #2
    Registered User DATo's Avatar
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    Greetings scarrystudent!

    The story itself is good and I enjoyed reading it. I also like the way you write. Your style is clear and well articulated.

    The only criticism I can offer is that the story seemed a bit rushed; by this I mean that an awful lot of "story" is compressed into a very short space. I think this is a good story to stretch out into a short novel - a novella. There is a lot of room for development of the various components of the storyline such as the student's life before he was chosen for the space program, his preparation (training) for the trip, perhaps a developed relationship with the girl, a longer period of story development directed to aspects of life aboard the space station, how the spending corners were cut etc. In short, I would consider this an excellent outline for a longer writing project.

    That having been said, I compliment you on the creative premise of the story. In my opinion you have a talent for invention; also, I thought the story was structurally sound and intelligently set forth.

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    Thank you so much for the feedback and let me say I could not agree with you more. This was for a school project for my creative writing class and I had to shorten my idea substantially to get it to fit within the page limit. I was even given an extra page towards the end but still didn't feel like I gave it a good enough ending. Again thank you for the feedback

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    If you like the short story, please let me know. I am in the beginning stages of expanding this into a short novel and would like anything from suggestions to criticisms. Also, let me know if you would like me to post the expanded story as well. Thank you so much for reading my story. I put a lot of effort into it!

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