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Thread: On a decent morning

  1. #1
    Registered User tshering's Avatar
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    On a decent morning

    The sun was shining sharply on my face and I could feel the blood vessels under my skin dilate to radiate the heat. I was not wearing sunblock. I thought my kind of skin wouldn’t tan just because it was mine and I generally had the notion in all things that I was invincible. I walked slowly up the road carrying my empty bag which I carried just for emotional support, to catch the straps of whenever I felt defensive. People sat thickly together on the pavement; a few eyes flitted to watch me pass, some stared.
    As I walked I realized I was on autopilot. My mind was a big white spot, the kind you see on the flag of Japan. It was not really focusing on something. I could have taken a wrong turn and reached somewhere else and I would have wholly blamed it on my legs, as if my brain had gone for a vacation and made my legs the acting CEO.
    I used to play with a small toy in my childhood where small round balls would be trapped inside a plastic cover and you would have to maneuver the balls by moving the toy and make the balls reach the center of the maze. You could never get all the balls inside together because the moment you shook the toy to maneuver the second one, the first one would come out. There was no hope, and yet you played because something inside you always yearned for the impossible.
    Life is the greatest entertainer.

  2. #2
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    If you are really aspiring to be a writer, you maybe be interested in this book:

    Ask the Dust by John Fante

  3. #3
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    I really liked this. It's down-to-earth and I can relate to it.

  4. #4
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    Hi, Tshering
    Very nice morning.

  5. #5
    Registered User tshering's Avatar
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    thank you everyone for the encouragement.
    Life is the greatest entertainer.

  6. #6
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    I could of kept going and you should to

  7. #7
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    Try not to start every sentence with "I" -- it become repetitive after the second or third time. I liked your reliance on imagery rather than description, though; the instinct of the story was engaging.

    Side-note, though -- Japan's flag has a red spot, not a white spot?

  8. #8
    i just participated in a letter writing competition and this is the topic so a little help like affect on your mind etc

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