ARE YOU WEARING A STRAIGHTJACKET?
Are you wearing a straightjacket?
With wrap around sleeves and metal bands
Are you some kind of homicidal maniac?
Or do you suffer from wondering hands
ROSES ARE VIOLET
Roses are Violet
Violets are Lilac
Lilacs are Roses
And she wants then back
PICKUP # 11
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“I’m a Doctor, Dr Love
And you know how they say
The skin is the largest organ?
Not in my case, by a long way”
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOTHER DEAR # 1
Happy Birthday, mother dear
May all your wishes come true this year
Apart from the one I will not grant
That one that involves me being pregnant
I GOT A DUAL PURPOSE BIRTHDAY CARD
I got a dual purpose birthday card
The intention was well meant
For a person of your advancing years
With its very high fibre content
THE MARRIAGE IS OVER BETWEEN KEN AND DINAH
The marriage is over between Ken and Dinah
She divorced him for having sex with a minor
But it was not that he practised paedophilia
His lover was a tin miner from St Minver
POSH AND BECKS LOOKALIKES
Posh and Becks lookalikes
Could be their twin
But they go by the name
Of Thick and Thin
MY DECISION TO BECOME A DOCTOR
My decision to become a doctor
Even though it helped me burgeon
Raised more than a few eyebrows
But then I am a plastic surgeon
I MAY HAVE GOLD TEETH
I may have gold teeth
Showing when I grin
I may have silver hair
Which is going thin
I will even confess
That I have bronze skin
But I can say that my pencil
Still has plenty of lead in
ARE YOU WEARING A BOOB TUBE?
Are you wearing a boob tube?
It’s not to my own personal taste
Mainly because I suppose
You’re wearing it around your waist
YOU HAVE MADE IT TO THIRTY
You have made it to thirty
And I would just like to say
I have no words of comfort
It IS downhill all the way
CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS
Chocolate coated raisins
I found out today
Can easily be included
As one of your five a day
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