Personal matter

[Frédéric Moreau]

Hello everyone,

I am in love with a gal of my town. I guess that the question may sound quite naive, the childish touts-les-garçons-et-les-filles kind of personal trouble, but I barely have friends and I need comfort. She is rather good-looking and I have the prescience that she shares with me the passion for literature. But not likeing either parties or what ominously is called 'fun' I feel that the chances of approaching her are less than limited, if not none-existing. I don't know what to think or even what to feel, I don't know whether is lonesomeness what I endure or the ghastly burden of an impossible love. I don't know if I am truly in love with her, or if she is only a fathom, a delusion, a token that my mind has created in which all I miss is collected and the horrid gleaming of which seems to be, dreadfully, carefully designed in order to slice off my existence.

Thank you in advance,
Frédéric

[cacian]

Frédéric are you French?
and why do you think getting to know her limited?

[tonywalt]

Hello everyone,

I am in love with a gal of my town. I guess that the question may sound quite naive, the childish touts-les-garçons-et-les-filles kind of personal trouble, but I barely have friends and I need comfort. She is rather good-looking and I have the prescience that she shares with me the passion for literature. But not likeing either parties or what ominously is called 'fun' I feel that the chances of approaching her are less than limited, if not none-existing. I don't know what to think or even what to feel, I don't know whether is lonesomeness what I endure or the ghastly burden of an impossible love. I don't know if I am truly in love with her, or if she is only a fathom, a delusion, a token that my mind has created in which all I miss is collected and the horrid gleaming of which seems to be, dreadfully, carefully designed in order to slice off my existence.

Thank you in advance,
Frédéric

I'd go for it. Beautiful attractive women love guys who are quiet and bookish. You may think that an attractive girl prefers men with a certain social status or popularity, but if you look around that's totally wrong. I once was at a nightclub in London with a few attractive professional football players and the women absolutely shunned them, instead they were interested in me and a my friend (a very bookish guy). That's just they way it is, almost always - or at least alot of the time.

[Frédéric Moreau]

Hello, cacian,

My name is not Frédéric and I am not a Frenchman (a glamourless Spaniard instead), though I love French literature and I wish I knew French to read the novel from which I obtained the name I wield in this Forum: The sentimental education. The French words in my other post come from a song by Françoise Hardy, in which lonesomeness is childishly portrayed, its English equivalent might be Nobody's lonesome for me by Hank Williams Sr. I was only pretending to illustrate the naive side of my infatuation, excuse my pedantic writing, I do not dominate the language of Shakespeare.

My chances are limited on account of my nature: I have always been a shy person, and my stupid sense of chivalry only has brought solitude and introspection to my life. A couple of months ago I had a slight chance of talking to her, but it seemed to have been arranged by God himself: I was strolling around my town when she and a friend of hers asked me to accompany them to their house. A stoned Slav was roaming around town and they were scared. We catch up on our lives (the last time I talked to her was two years ago) and on literature, but not enough to infer whether she actually knows about it or it is only the remainder of what she learnt on High School.

In any case, I might write a novel about my life if I were a talented man. For the moment I read.

Frédéric

[Frédéric Moreau]

I think the same, tonyway, in spite of being a wrecked man concerning love. I highlight that the problem is mainly how to talk to her, though I attended primary school with her I don't dare to approach her, and I don't have even the opportunity of doing it--she only gets out at night: the last time I saw her she was driving a car bound to a night club, and I got to pieces. I beg you again to excuse my English, it may sound pedantic but it is only because I am learning it reading.

[Pumpkin337]

speaking as a woman, we are not so unapproachable as men presume, take your courage in both hands and be open to all possibilities. You already know you can have a conversation with her, it is just now a matter of having another, and then another after that.

[cacian]

Hello, cacian,

My name is not Frédéric and I am not a Frenchman (a glamourless Spaniard instead), though I love French literature and I wish I knew French to read the novel from which I obtained the name I wield in this Forum: The sentimental education. The French words in my other post come from a song by Françoise Hardy, in which lonesomeness is childishly portrayed, its English equivalent might be Nobody's lonesome for me by Hank Williams Sr. I was only pretending to illustrate the naive side of my infatuation, excuse my pedantic writing, I do not dominate the language of Shakespeare.

My chances are limited on account of my nature: I have always been a shy person, and my stupid sense of chivalry only has brought solitude and introspection to my life. A couple of months ago I had a slight chance of talking to her, but it seemed to have been arranged by God himself: I was strolling around my town when she and a friend of hers asked me to accompany them to their house. A stoned Slav was roaming around town and they were scared. We catch up on our lives (the last time I talked to her was two years ago) and on literature, but not enough to infer whether she actually knows about it or it is only the remainder of what she learnt on High School.

In any case, I might write a novel about my life if I were a talented man. For the moment I read.

Frédéric

ah Flaubert of course.
Love is a passion bite the bullet and talk to her.
the worse she could say is no.
I speak from experience.

[Frédéric Moreau]

Yes, but I live in a little village: I fear that my childish crush on her may be source of mockery. The fellows my age loathe me quite much, I never managed to understand why. I know she is a righteous gal, is what most admire of her. However, I don't even know if she is only a crapice created by my lack of love, I don't even know whether I love her or the idea of love itself, of a mutual love I never had.

[Frédéric Moreau]

I am going to sleep. I really thank your annonimous support, it has made me feel a little bit better.

[Pumpkin337]

well I don't think you can fall in love at a distance. You may be in infatuated, certainly attracted, the only way to find out is to venture into the deep waters of relationship - but first you have to find out if she is interested in exploring the possibilities with you, and the only way to do that is to talk to her. For all you know she is wondering why the heck you didn't ask her out after your last meeting.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, my friend.

or

He who hesitates is lost.

[Ecurb]

He who hesitates is lost.

For every aphorism there is another advocating the opposite. He who hesitates is lost BUT look before you leap. In order to look before you leap, perhaps you should consider stalking this woman for a while. You know where she lives. Set up some cameras and recording equipment. Or, lacking the funds for that, you could wear a disguise and follow her around town. I'd recommend a trench coat and a Graucho Marx nose and mustache.

As far as tony's advice that women like bookish men, I would not advise reciting "To His Coy Mistress". It doesn't work, as I have discovered.

It's a well known fact that Spanish women like bullfighters (as you would know if you liked Hemmingway). Have you considered becoming a torero? True, you might be gored to death, but then she'd be sorry she spurned you (if she found out about it)?

[Pumpkin337]

sheesh lol the guy needs encouragement! Looking is one thing, hesitating is another... you can look WHILE you leap keep your eyes wide open and your wits about you, but faint heart won no lady ... ever!

[tonywalt]

As far as tony's advice that women like bookish men, I would not advise reciting "To His Coy Mistress". It doesn't work, as I have discovered.

Hhmmm, tonywalt is often tongue and cheek. (did anyone buy the football story? - really?!) I was looking at Ronaldo's girlfriend during the world cup. She's very well mannered.

[Calidore]

A couple bits of what seems to me to be common sense:

You will certainly get nowhere if you say nothing. However, you will also get nowhere if you say something but then have nothing to back it up. Lighting a match is meaningless without wood for a fire. The tortured soul who sits home alone pondering his unrequited love may sound romantic to himself, but it's tedious as hell to everyone else.

I will offer the opinion that you are more in love with the ideal than the woman, because you've only spoken to her once in the past two years plus. I will also point out that while she may be willing or able to talk literature, she also goes out clubbing while you sit at home in a club of one. She is active; you are passive.

You say you don't like "what is ominously called 'fun'", but there is no one thing called "fun" that people either like or don't as if it were broccoli. Doing things, and thus finding things that you consider fun, will both get you out of the house and meeting people and also give you something to talk about, with her and with those other people.

[Iain Sparrow]

Hello, cacian,

My chances are limited on account of my nature: I have always been a shy person, and my stupid sense of chivalry only has brought solitude and introspection to my life. A couple of months ago I had a slight chance of talking to her, but it seemed to have been arranged by God himself: I was strolling around my town when she and a friend of hers asked me to accompany them to their house. A stoned Slav was roaming around town and they were scared. We catch up on our lives (the last time I talked to her was two years ago) and on literature, but not enough to infer whether she actually knows about it or it is only the remainder of what she learnt on High School.

In any case, I might write a novel about my life if I were a talented man. For the moment I read.

Frédéric

First off, my advice is to drop the chivalry part of your nature. If chivalry isn't dead it should be; it's old world, condescending, and subtly enforces gender roles. Women do not require our protection, or a hyper-awareness for their virtue, or even need us to open doors for them. Try treating women as real people, you'll be amazed at the results.
The girl asked you to accompany her and a friend to their house... what else do you want, an engraved invitation to ask her out for coffee? If you really dig this woman then next time you bump into her, just talk to her. If it seems like you might have something going, just ask for her phone number and if it'd be okay to give her a call. No matter how confident some of us are, we still get butterflies before asking someone out for a date. Big deal, are you afraid of butterflies?

Don't get so worked up about things... and books are nice, but a poor substitute for living life and getting out and having some fun.