ARE YOU WEARING A SLEEPSUIT?
Are you wearing a sleepsuit?
Well on a baby it looks cute
Even on my girlfriend it can
But not on a fifty year old man
THE DRUG MULE SURPRISE
The drug mule
Smuggled cocaine
In little plastic eggs
More accustomed
To holding a toy
And that’s what I call
A Kindle Surprise
IF YOU WANT TO AVOID
If you want to avoid
Disaster on a plate
Even though
They are first rate
Avoid eating Lobsters
On a first date
I COULDN’T GET THE OLD BANGER
I couldn’t get the old banger
Started this morning
I tried to get her to turn over
As the day was dawning
But to no avail, she just
Lay there yawning
ON A FIRST DATE DO NOT CHOOSE
On a first date do not choose
A restaurant to meet her
Because it’s not conducive
With your being a messy eater
THAT DRESS IS QUITE REVEALING
That dress is quite revealing
Your breasts it’s barely concealing
I think perhaps your teasing
Offering them up for squeezing
Your bust does look rather ample
Go on let me have another sample
ALWAYS READ STUFF THAT
Always read stuff that
Will make you look good
If you are struck with death
Earlier than you should
ARE YOU WEARING A TARTAN SKIRT?
Are you wearing a Tartan skirt?
And what’s above your socks?
If I were able to take a look
I could maybe see the Trossachs
THE SLIMMER OF THE YEAR
The Slimmer of the year
To her absolute surprise
Was last night presented
With the no Belly Prize
ARE YOU WEARING A SELF-IMPORTANT LOOK?
Are you wearing a self-important look?
Well I would say you are in my opinion
And further more I will bet my house
On the fact that you are a politician