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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 86

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 86

    ARE YOU WEARING A SLEEPSUIT?

    Are you wearing a sleepsuit?
    Well on a baby it looks cute
    Even on my girlfriend it can
    But not on a fifty year old man

    THE DRUG MULE SURPRISE

    The drug mule
    Smuggled cocaine
    In little plastic eggs
    More accustomed
    To holding a toy
    And that’s what I call
    A Kindle Surprise


    IF YOU WANT TO AVOID

    If you want to avoid
    Disaster on a plate
    Even though
    They are first rate
    Avoid eating Lobsters
    On a first date

    I COULDN’T GET THE OLD BANGER

    I couldn’t get the old banger
    Started this morning
    I tried to get her to turn over
    As the day was dawning
    But to no avail, she just
    Lay there yawning

    ON A FIRST DATE DO NOT CHOOSE

    On a first date do not choose
    A restaurant to meet her
    Because it’s not conducive
    With your being a messy eater

    THAT DRESS IS QUITE REVEALING

    That dress is quite revealing
    Your breasts it’s barely concealing
    I think perhaps your teasing
    Offering them up for squeezing
    Your bust does look rather ample
    Go on let me have another sample

    ALWAYS READ STUFF THAT

    Always read stuff that
    Will make you look good
    If you are struck with death
    Earlier than you should

    ARE YOU WEARING A TARTAN SKIRT?

    Are you wearing a Tartan skirt?
    And what’s above your socks?
    If I were able to take a look
    I could maybe see the Trossachs

    THE SLIMMER OF THE YEAR

    The Slimmer of the year
    To her absolute surprise
    Was last night presented
    With the no Belly Prize

    ARE YOU WEARING A SELF-IMPORTANT LOOK?

    Are you wearing a self-important look?
    Well I would say you are in my opinion
    And further more I will bet my house
    On the fact that you are a politician

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    The "no Belly Prize" and the one about the revealing dress were my favorites.

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    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    You can't say you've really visited Maine until you've experienced the Full Lobster. Unless you're savvy enough to order the lobster tail or Newburg or the like, the waiter brings you the entire animal on a plate. You've got to be extremely careful when you crack the creature open or you'll get the surprise of your life. Contrary to popular opinion, the lobster bib is not there to catch drops of melted butter; it's to protect your shirt from the inevitable explosion. Fortunately, when it happened to yours fooly, we were having our meal on a picnic table of an outdoor restaurant. There wasn't a comedian scheduled that afternoon -- nonetheless the custormers had plenty of laughs.

    Lots o' laughs here, too, Biggus. Nice job.

    Auntie

  5. #5
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Thanks Auntie
    Eating the full lobster sounds like a job for the full body armour like bomd disposal people use.
    It all sounds like a very hasardous activity.
    You painted a very vivid picture though

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