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Thread: That one thing I wrote at 2am

  1. #1
    :) Stephweet :) stephofthenight's Avatar
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    That one thing I wrote at 2am

    I'm lost in the world
    heart, cracked and dry
    My past suffocates me
    No breath to ask why

    Lord, I need you
    Don't you know my pain
    I'm already drowning
    So why make it rain

    Open my eyes
    Show me the truth
    Rain living water
    I will seek refuge in you

    Cleanse my heart
    Make me new
    Wash away the lies
    I want to live for you.

    "Be careful of quotes you find on the internet, they may not always be true" -Abraham Lincon-

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I liked the lines about already drowning so why bring in the rain.

  3. #3
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    very religious in some ways. the third stanza reminded me of the enlightenment. the idea of opening's one's eyes.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  4. #4
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    I think this is a very good poem, lots of pain and searching and heart.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

  5. #5
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    I didn't like this much. I appreciate your directness but it seemed too plain with nothing to distinguish it in particular - the phrasing wasn't especially beautiful or ugly, there wasn't any logical turn or train of thought that made me think twice. Don't feel bad though, I know that I for one have written worse. Keep trying.

  6. #6
    Registered User prendrelemick's Avatar
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    I disagree with Lykren. There is quite a lot in there that is expressed with simple economy. The imagery of rain and washing clean is an old one , but that doesn't mean it is redundant, a cliche becomes a cliche because it works. I think it succeeds because it peaked my interest in the narrator - I want to know what happened next morning
    Last edited by prendrelemick; 06-04-2014 at 02:21 PM.
    ay up

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