Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Lost Souls

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    4

    Lost Souls

    One of many poems that I have written please share your honest opinion whether good or bad, all I want is to share what I think is talent in every way possible.


    Born to this life
    Where everything seemed nice
    With a bright smile
    Everything looks right
    A skater on ice
    Till it just cracked
    Am I alright?

    I smile and look alright
    But deep inside I fight
    When worst my smiles ignite
    I can't feel the difference
    Compressed feelings
    another smile ignites

    They wish they were me
    Happiest person living this life
    But I'm the toughest fighting this fight

    People leaving day and night
    Accidents and suicide
    I can't believe my eyes
    Never give up just fight
    Life is short forget suicide
    Here's a note
    Together we will fight

    Born with a quest
    Fulfill life at its best
    Strong even when stressed
    Winners never rest
    Lets win this fight
    Overcome peoples judgments
    Prove were blessed

    Even if we're complex
    think for a minute
    This is your life hiding in a chest
    Life's short forget
    Save the regret
    Here's a bet
    Every life has a quest
    Use time and invest
    On this heart beating off your chest
    I request that being depressed shall not be in your play list
    But instead
    A happy soul surrounding us all
    A person with a goal
    Self-control within their heart and soul
    This is perfection
    Within the righteous of us all
    Not the deception
    Filled by society
    An insane reality
    Crushing our souls
    For this life is yours to control

    Mohammed Nasser Al-Jahadhmi

  2. #2
    The Wolf of Larsen WolfLarsen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Creating a new universe
    Posts
    738
    Blog Entries
    87
    Who cares what everybody else thinks?

    Just write whatever you want to write!

    Anyway, I kind of liked it, except for the rhymes.

    Rhymes in contemporary poetry to me sound like nails on blackboard.

    Anyway, I've read far worse poems. Also, when I first started writing poetry my poems were far worse.
    "...the ramblings of a narcissistic, self-obsessed, deranged mind."
    My poetry & other stuff on Amazon:
    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr...or=Wolf Larsen

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    4
    Thanks for your comment
    I don't usually write types as such but this was inspired
    And It's not that I doubt my poems or anything
    It's good to get pointers every now and then about what you write or maybe its just me

Similar Threads

  1. Souls
    By E.A Rumfield in forum Serious Discussions
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 10-08-2012, 11:44 AM
  2. The Dance of the Souls
    By Dr.reid_16 in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-08-2011, 09:17 PM
  3. The souls that are lost~
    By Zach atteberry in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-28-2009, 04:42 PM
  4. Clay Souls
    By verum in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-13-2008, 07:00 PM
  5. The Ship of Souls (Poem)
    By penguindave in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-30-2007, 10:35 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •