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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 84

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 84

    ARE YOU WEARING A DOILY?

    Are you wearing a doily?
    Oh it’s some kind of hat?
    Oh it’s called a fascinator?
    Well I never heard of that

    VINCENT VAN GOGH’S SUNFLOWERS

    Vincent Van Gogh’s Sunflowers
    Brought me to tears
    If I had painted them I would
    Have cut off both ears

    SHE PHONED FROM THE SPERM BANK

    She phoned from the sperm bank
    For donations and to be truthful
    I hung up, but she phoned again
    And then I gave her a mouthful

    THE DOOR OPENED AND I SAID

    The door opened and I said “Ah madam
    Can I show you this carpet sweeper”
    “No” she replied “and don’t call me madam
    You make me sound like a brothel keeper”

    INOCULATIONS ARE A DRAG

    Inoculations are a drag
    Just remember it’s the jabs
    That might well prevent
    Many ending up on slabs

    LONDON 2012 OPENING CEREMONY

    Nothing surprised me more
    About the 2012 Olympics
    Than the opening ceremony
    It was astonishingly good
    I must admit I had my doubts
    I feared a parade of stretch Limos
    Disgorging scores of scantily clad
    Essex girls wearing plastic tiaras
    And a climax of the ceremony
    Would have been a group
    Of Hurray Henrys from the city
    Dropping their trousers
    And farting out a rendition
    Of Rule Britannia
    Before one of the bare arsed brokers
    Would use an Olympic torch
    To light a fart
    And subsequently ignite
    The Olympic flame

    SNOW NOTSO-WHITE AND THE SEVEN DIRTY DWARFS

    Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
    It's home from work we go
    We all have ways to relax at night
    Cokey snorts some Snow White
    Creepy likes flashing in the park
    Sleezy self abuses in the dark
    Gropey likes trains in rush hour
    Humpy pays for girls by the hour
    Lustful hangs around at the docks
    And Prof comes home with the pox

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 327

    Old Mother Hubbard
    Went to the cupboard
    To fetch the poor dog a bone
    Then she remembered
    She didn’t have a dog

    MY GRANDFATHER TAKES FIVE SUGARS

    My Grandfather takes five sugars
    In his tea and yet he is very old
    He remembers when sugar was good
    In fact he said it was called white gold

    ARE YOU WEARING A SINGLE FAKE EYELASH?

    Are you wearing a single fake eyelash?
    I’m almost certain there should be two
    What happened to the other one?
    Did someone beat it to death with a shoe?

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    My toss up for favorite was the one about Mother Hubbard's missing dog or the one about Vincent Van Gogh's sunflowers.

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