ARE YOU WEARING SEXUAL GARB?

Are you wearing sexual garb?
Well I can only offer you this barb
Wearing a codpiece and a condom
Is not going to turn anyone on

PUT DOWN # 57

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he starts spinning you a line
Just say when he driving you mental
"Any connection between your reality
And mine is purely coincidentalĒ

MY UNCLE JOHN IS RETIRED

My Uncle John is retired
He doesnít miss work, He says
But the people he worked with
During his professional days
Of course he lies to spare them
Which is one of his ways

AFTER HER EXAMINATION

After her examination
The doctor said
"I can find no reason
For the pain in your head
Now let me see the thing
That gets ladies in distressĒ
At which point the lady
Lifted up her dress
And started to remove
All her underwear
At first all he could do
Was stand and stare
But then caused the doctor
To loudly shout
ďNo donít take them off
Just stick your tongue out"

SENIOR PHARMACY

When I go to the chemist
The cost is beyond belief
And everything in my basket
Says itís for fast relief

SUPERSEX

ďSupersexĒ the old lady said
To the seniors group
And in reply they chorused
"We'll take the soup"

IF IíVE LEARNED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE

If Iíve learned anything in my life
It is that you should take a chance
And nobody cares if you can't dance well
Just get on the floor and dance

THE UPSIDE OF BEING CLINICALLY OBESE

The upside of being clinically obese
To the point of being handicapped
Is that it makes it significantly more
Difficult to be forcibly kidnapped

A PENSIONERíS BEDTIME

A pensionerís bedtime
In retirement is quite informal
Two hours after dozing off
In front of the TV is normal

ARE YOU WEARING SLUTTY GARB?

Are you wearing slutty garb?
And are you trying to talk smut
Well I admire your endeavour, but
Youíre wearing too much for a slut