ARE YOU WEARING PATENT LEATHER?
Are you wearing patent leather?
Well at least it will never weather
But I would have to say honesty
On you it looks like PVC
PUT DOWN # 55
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he starts spinning you a line
And he starts annoying you
Just say "Don't you have
A bowling game to get to?"
THE COMMON TERM FOR SOMEONE
The common term for someone
Who retires but goes to work again
Because they enjoy it too much
To give it up, is criminally insane
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 319
Mary had a little bra
Which wasn’t really fair
Because like her mother
She had a massive pair
OILY FOOD
When my Dad was a boy, there was
No cooking oil or anything like that
Oil was for lubricating the garden gate
And you cooked everything in fat
MY SATNAV HAS AUDIBLE ALARMS
My Satnav has audible alarms
They make each journey fraught
So I think I’ll trade it in
And buy the silent sort
YOU ARE WELL ENDOWED
You are well endowed
Is it all you?
Or is it padded up there
I won’t care
If you let me in up there
And what about below stairs
Just let me get in under there
Into your under wear
And I will find your derriere
Among your treasures
And some mutual pleasures
THE SIMPLE TRUTH OF AVIATION
The simple truth
Up in the skies
If a pilot messes up,
Then the pilot dies
If a controller messes up
Then the pilot dies
AT THE OLYMPICS THE ROMANIANS
At the Olympics the Romanians
Made a clean sweep good and proper
Taking the Gold, Silver and bronze
As well as all the lead and copper
ARE YOU WEARING FALSE PAINTED TOE NAILS?
Are you wearing false painted toe nails?
No I don’t think that they look sweet
And I think it’s a waste of money
Simple because you have Shrek feet
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