ARE YOU WEARING PATENT LEATHER BOOTS?
Are you wearing patent leather boots?
Well I’m as open minded as any other
But really? Thigh length leather boots
When we’re burying your mother
PUT DOWN # 54
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he starts spinning you a line
Just say when your patience is done
“I'm no proctologist, but
I know an ******* when I see one”
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 318
Three each day
Seven days a week
Ruddy Apple
Ruddy Cheek
Hardly a varied diet
Is it?
TAKEAWAYS
When my Dad was just a boy
They didn’t have takeaways
Except in maths which were
Called subtraction in olden days
PENSIONERS DON’T COUNT PENNIES
Pensioners don’t count pennies
Out of necessity
It’s just that only they
Have the time you see
ARE YOU WEARING A BABY DOLL DRESS?
Are you wearing a baby doll dress?
Well I don’t want to cause any distress
But are you sure that look is alright
When you’ve got that much cellulite
IN ONE RESPECT WE HAVE
In one respect we have
I can proudly declare
A perfect aviation record
We never left one up there
APPARENTLY PEOPLE IN DUBAI
Apparently people in Dubai
Don’t understand the Flintstones
And that is the popular view
But it’s not a cultural thing
Nor is it East versus West
As people in Abu Dhabi Do
EVERY TOM
When you hear
The chorus, from where
The alley cats tarry
Just remember
That every tom
Has a dick, Harry
I WENT TO THE CEMETERY WITH GRANDDAD
I went to the cemetery with Granddad
To visit the grave of Grandma Dot
But after an hour of wandering around
I thought Granddad had lost the plot
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