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Thread: A Godly Affair

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    A Godly Affair

    1

    "Repay your debt in a week or shut down your dispensary." Mr. Mehta ordered.

    "Please sir, give me some more time. Do you think I am a fraud?" Dr. Lal replied.

    "Certainly you are, Jackass! I missed out the enlightenment course of Holy Siddeshwar Maharaj. I couldn't even visit his Ashram and you are responsible for it. Remember, this is the last warning. One more delay in payment and the underworld will be after you!" he said with red hot eyes.

    "Sorry Sir, please..."

    "Enough!" he said, clenching his fist and left Dr. Lal's clinic in anger.

    Dr. Lal, the 'doctoring' genius had graduated from a donation college. Living in a country where one could buy anything but life, educational degrees were bought like chocolate cookies. Too ecstatic at being a doctor, he had purchased a new dispensary in heart of the city. His financier, Mr. Mehta had planned to claim his dispensary because of his long pending debts. Dr. Lal was having sleepless nights until a new patient made his way in his dispensary.

    "What are these marks on his forehead?" the mother of a newborn asked him.

    "I will have to do some research on it. You can come back after a while," he replied. The same day he saw another patient with such marks. As he was treating both the mothers for over half a year, he realized that there was a problem in his treatment.

    He spent his whole Sunday doing research on his laptop. He came to a conclusion that due to overdose of a medicine, every child born under his care would carry such signs. 'Already a debt to repay, treatment going wrong, God I am gonna land up in jail soon!' he thought.

    2

    "So how is your channel going?" he asked his friend Jay.

    "It is crashing everyday. Can you imagine, a year ago it was the most popular news channel. And today the producers are asking us to shut it down." As Jay was talking, lightning struck in Lal's mind.

    "Bravo! Do you want your channel to be the most sought out one?"

    "Of course."

    "Then get ready. We have to meet the managing director of your company," he said and slammed his telephone.


    SOMETIME LATER

    "Are these news channels crazy?" Mrs. Mehta proclaimed.

    "What happened?" her husband enquired.

    "Just come and have a look at the T.V." As he watched the 'Breaking News' his heart was in his mouth.

    'Ladies and Gentleman, a doctor, has announced that he can foresee the future of a child born under his care,' the news channel broadcast.

    They were showing two of his patients, with a unique birthmark and Dr. Lal claimed that such marks could alter the future of these children.

    Soon Dr. Lal became a hot property for news channels. He was invited for various events. Debates were held. Polls were taken. Experts were called and after a while he became the most famous doctor in his area.

    3

    That night his telephone rang.

    "Hello. Who's this?" he asked.

    "Your destiny," a voice replied.

    'Destiny? Is this a threat call? Oh no. I guess Mr. Mehta called the underworld!' he thought.

    "Sss... Sorry. I didn't get you," he said with a lump in his throat.

    "So when are you going to stop this nonsense?"

    "What? It's none of your business. And please tell me who is this?"

    "I am the creator, the operator and the generator of mankind. I am God."

    "So you are going to sue me for violating your copyright, isn't it?"

    "This isn't a prank call. Remember, I am watching you. This is the last warning."

    "What? Listen..." before he could say anything the phone was disconnected.

    'Wow, that prank was even better than mine,' he thought and went to bed.

    His telephone rang early morning. He picked up the phone to hear the same voice again. It was God again. Refusing to believe him, Dr. Lal openly challenged him.

    "I don't know who you are, but remember, I have the support of local MLA. In India, a politician is bigger than God! So don't mess with me," he said and slammed the phone.

    'You are going on wrong path son,' God said to himself.

    4

    Given no choice, God decided to take charge of the situation.

    He was all set to expose Dr. Lal's true image. In an avatar of a man he arrived on earth. Since millions of years, he hadn't come over here. His concept of Earth was just like his own paradise. Woody forests, peaceful animals, towering scenery was all he could think, while shifting from Heaven. Little did he know what was coming his way.

    After arriving on Earth, he thought of taking a morning walk, before meeting Dr. Lal. While on his way, he came across a building, which was surrounded by a bunch of people. Curiously, he went there to see a couple throwing their young kid on the ground from a fourth floor apartment.

    "Stop it!" he ordered. The mob looked at him outrageously. After taking a deep breath and swallowing a lump in his throat, he changed his tone and asked one of them, "What are they doing?"

    "Sshh. Don't disturb. It is an ACT OF GOD. Whenever a young child is born in our society, in order to please God, the parents throw their infant from their house to the ground. If the aunt, who is standing below, catches it, we get the signal whether God wants the kid to live."

    "This is absurd. Have they lost their minds?"

    "Enough!" said one of the relatives, "Let's call the police."

    "For what?" God looked confused.

    "For hurting religious sentiments," a voice replied and soon a dozen men armed with bamboo sticks started chasing the Lord. Since he had abandoned his powers while arriving on Earth, he had no option but to run for 'his life'.

    5

    "Crazy men," he said, as he gasped out his breath in shock, while hiding behind a tree. Beside the tree he saw the deluxe Ashram of Siddeshwar Maharaj. A high profile God-man, with a perfect background of being a college dropout and a serial rapist, he was an inspirational figure in the city. People worshiped him, while the politicians payed him handsomely for their 'good luck'.

    'What's wrong with these men?' he asked himself. He made another lame attempt to confront the God-man.

    "Hey this is wrong! He is a criminal." God shouted. He met with the same response. The only difference was that, this time the men who attacked him were armed with guns instead of bamboo sticks. Within an interval of 20 minutes he had seen two horrific instances. But what really hurt him, was the fact, that people had accepted it under the name of religion.

    Soon he realised that there were millions of Dr. Lals roaming scot-free around the globe where they were worshiped, saluted and treated as VIPs. Realising that it was impossible to stop this plague in a country where Ashrams got more respect than a school, he walked away with wet eyes without confronting Dr. Lal.

    Years went by, and people started realising that Dr. Lal had a 'divine power'. Soon they started worshiping him, built his temples and elected him as a representative. Today Mr. Lal teaches his followers the importance of 'honesty and moral values'.
    Last edited by Gaurav Joshi; 03-24-2014 at 01:48 PM.

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    Disclaimer: I have no intentions to offend any religion or any religious person. I am extremely sorry if the story offends anyone.

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    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Hi Gaurav,

    I can see what you’re trying to do with this one – depict the charlatanism of religious hypocrites and the foolishness of people who fall for them – but unfortunately, the story just doesn’t work for me. It may be that the story tries to cover too much in too short of space.

    The first part describes a quack doctor worried about losing his clinic to his financier/landlord who pulls off a fraudulent publicity scheme with a friend at a TV news channel. The way it is written, the storyline just doesn’t come off as credible. Then you have the doctor’s strange phone conversation with God. Then you have God becoming incarnate and finding his way to a village where people throw infants out of apartment windows in some sort of religious ceremony. And then God goes to an ashram where the yogi is a fraud. Then it goes back to the quack doctor, and ends with God being chagrined to realize that there are so many other quacks and frauds and charlatans out there. The result of all this is a story that just seems to jump around disjointedly from one scene to another, and each scene seems to be written in such a hurry that it leaves the reader kind of blank.

    There are several smaller things, too, like starting Chapter 2 with the pronoun “he.” It was confusing because it wasn’t clear who the “he” was referring until several lines later, and even then it wasn’t really clear. It also seemed incredible that a moneylender with ties to the underworld would be so intent on attending at an ashram (unless you meant that to be ironic, but it didn’t come across as ironic.) There are other grammatical and structural problems like these throughout, some relatively minor, some not so minor.

    I don’t mean to be negative. I’m not saying that the effort is hopeless, but I think you really need to do a lot of revisions here to have a story that flows in the way you need it to flow in order to convey your point.

    (I saw a video clip a couple of months ago where “baby throwing” is actually done somewhere in India. CNN covered it, if I remember correctly. I think the babies were caught in some sort of net. I don’t remember it to be a religious thing, but rather just some sort of tradition.)
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    Thanks a lot for your review. I think there are two major problems in the story I guess. The first being that the story mainly targets Hindu religion and the problems are strictly related to India. It is quite natural that everyone other than an Indian would find it incredibly difficult to relate to the situation. Second is that this is my rough draft so the grammar errors will soon be rectified. But I am quite disappointed that you found the scenes written in a hurry because I have spent a lot of time in writing each scene.

    But I respect your opinion. Also in India every second person tries to show-off his contacts with underworld. It doesn't necessarily mean that they have underworld contacts.

    Actually I wanted to comment on these fake Godmen because just a few months back a Godman named 'Asaram' was arrested for molestation.

    But you are right. I guess it hasn't turned out very well because I ain't very confident about it myself, so the story doesn't look promising as well. I am looking forward to make some changes in it, but unfortunately the target audience for this story is strictly Indian audience.

    Thanks a lot though for your sincere efforts. I appreciate your straightforward approach and I am rewriting certain parts of the story.
    Last edited by Gaurav Joshi; 03-12-2014 at 12:45 PM.

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    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Thanks for taking my criticisms in the way they were intended. Having spent more than four years in South Asia (and being fascinated with Buddhist and Hindu beliefs, practices and philosophy), I'm pretty familar with the issues you describe and commiserate with your dismay over the fraud and deceit perpretated by certain ashrams and "Godmen." But I'll tell you what - religious hypocracy, deception and charlatanism is not at all confined to India.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    One thing which I forgot to reply is that there is no 'main character' in the story. The first half has Dr.Lal and second half has God. And it is quite intentionally written in a disorganised way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 108 fountains View Post
    Thanks for taking my criticisms in the way they were intended. Having spent more than four years in South Asia (and being fascinated with Buddhist and Hindu beliefs, practices and philosophy), I'm pretty familar with the issues you describe and commiserate with your dismay over the fraud and deceit perpretated by certain ashrams and "Godmen." But I'll tell you what - religious hypocracy, deception and charlatanism is not at all confined to India.
    I have sorted out all the grammatical errors which you mentioned. Hope that the story looks better now.

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    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Looks like you did more than just correct grammar. The whole thing reads smoother now and is more connected. Good job with the editing.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    Registered User Radha's Avatar
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    Quick paced moral story, reminded me of the movie, "Oh My God".
    Pros: *Thoughtful
    *Engaging
    Cons: *Lacks detail
    *Too fast
    Overall, good read, keep writing

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    Quote Originally Posted by Radha View Post
    Quick paced moral story, reminded me of the movie, "Oh My God".
    Pros: *Thoughtful
    *Engaging
    Cons: *Lacks detail
    *Too fast
    Overall, good read, keep writing
    Yup! You are spot on. I saw the movie Oh my God, a year ago and was fascinated by the idea of God coming to Earth.
    As a small token of respect I have named the Godman 'Siddeshwar' which was the name of one of the notorious Godman in the movie.

    Thanks for your reply. Glad to see an Indian here!

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