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Thread: Love is Dead

  1. #1
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    Wink Love is Dead

    Hey everyone, this is a short story i'm writing for english and any feedbacks or suggestions would be greatly greatly appreciated! Thanks,
    Short Story
    I killed him. I took the light that fed his hopes and dreams and blew it out like the wind does to a candle. The only survivor and yet here was death looking me down the barrel of the gun that Ashely Mirin was pointing at my face.
    I remember the crash like it was yesterday, Caleb’s laugh filtering through the stereo as I reached to change the song. That was all it took. It’s funny how in one second your life can change completely and when the wheels screeched along the slippery road that was the second. There was so much smoke that it was hard to breathe, but I remember tasting death. I remember seeing the eclipse of Caleb’s eyes as I pulled him from the car, not a single scratch etched on my skin yet blood saturated his. Who decides who lives and dies? If it was me he’d still be there. Able to hold his mum and watch his brothers grow, but instead it was me, and every single day I live with the burden. My eyes were full of death and so was my heart, buried under the guilt that weighs down everything I do.
    The waves crashed against the abyss of ocean below us, I could see pools of sweat glistening on Ashely’s face. I’d taken her son, her child and my only love. “I’m so sorry,” the whimper rushed past my lips before I could stop it. I hoped she had the guts to do it, pull the trigger Ashley; pull it. And then I fell.
    - …

    She killed him. My baby boy will never graduate university, never travel the world, and never have children. She’d taken our happiness and now my love was dead. I would always see stories on the news and wonder, how do they wake up every day? How do they… how do they breathe? But you do wake up, and every day I hope to hear Caleb’s footsteps pounding up the stairs but then you remember. It’s like getting that call again and again, you don’t get to stop being a mother even though you don’t have a child anymore. And here was the girl who’d taken it all away. An eye for eye a tooth for a tooth-wasn’t that how the saying goes. Every action has a consequence and Hannah was finally about to get hers.
    I remember the day Caleb was killed like it was yesterday. The hospital was like an asylum. Harsh lights, crying family and white, an endless blanket of white. The moment when you see your child, lying there with a sheet over them is something that I still can never describe. My heart was a crumpled ball of paper and for months and months all I could do was try and flatten it out. When Hannah was let out juvenile detention the grief that had engulfed me morphed into an anger that was so hard to quench. That’s how I began to follow her, became obsessed with the concept of revenge and that’s how we ended up on the cliff.
    The gun shook beneath my hand as sweat pooled in my palms. Her eyes were full of such life, and so was her heart; beating so loudly I could almost hear it. I knew I had to restore the balance, be a mum one last time and stand up for my boy. This is what he would have wanted. “I’m so sorry,” she pleaded, but sorry wouldn’t bring him back. A manic smile creeped across her face and her eyes started to twinkle as I steadied the gun with both of my hands. I hope I had the guts to do it, pull the trigger Ashley, pull it.
    And then she jumped.

  2. #2
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    The only survivor and yet here was death looking me down the barrel of the gun that Ashely Mirin was pointing at my face.

    The only survivor, yet here was death staring at me from the barrel of the gun Ashley Mirin was pointing at my face. I could see infinity in that little black hole. I looked away.

    An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth

    That’s how I began to follow her, became obsessed with the concept of revenge and that’s how we ended up on the cliff.

    I began to follow her. I became obsessed with revenge; that's how we ended up on the cliff.

    A manic smile crept

    Squeeze the trigger, Ashley, squeeze it.

    It also doesn't really explain where the cliff came from, how often do you see a cliff. Maybe they're on an overpass above the spot he died?

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