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Thread: My country I chant to you

  1. #1

    My country I chant to you

    My country, you are to me as a buffer.
    When I am thirsty asking eagerly for water.
    Your night is a silky thread of a bride pall
    In her long robe swaggering in the mall
    Your ripe date palms are as if clustery stars.
    Like the shadow of Saturn reflexes on Mars
    Your meadows are the everlasting spring.
    It would be more cheerful when birds sing.
    When the moon shines over its peaks to stay
    Ground would be glimmering with its silvery ray
    Blither souls will chant eagerly at dusk
    Thou would like to smell the diffused musk
    Hearable pray would be highly set up
    Then a heavenly sound never it will stop
    An esteemed blessing covers its side.
    May God bless it, however, a newborn cried.
    Donít blame me if I openly reveal my love
    That's my country it is my brilliant stove
    If Khosrow arrives again to Baghdad,
    We shall prepare a military of a new brigade
    ** **** ***
    Its rivers have the fresh cool gratifying drench
    A gulp of it and your thirst will soon quench
    Its valleys have the abundant flowing brooks
    Any of a verdant shrub staunchly lovely looks.
    You may see many villages alongside its rivers
    A place always is a hospitable to the new comer
    In what we have sorrow we normally give up
    To be united when the matter becomes hump
    Rarely have we driven to nonsense attitudes
    And we really know where to draw our multitude.
    The majority of our nation refuses the tyrant
    Hardly had they obeyed him as a bound servant.
    My country is the Home of Honour And
    Without honour I haven't Home
    MMA

  2. #2
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Rhyming couplets are probably never gonna work unless they are funny.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy View Post
    Rhyming couplets are probably never gonna work unless they are funny.
    Not everything is funny in our life.
    To tell about something is a real matter based on facts, discussed the agony and torture of people, their hope to live without problems, their aspiration for future to live their life without tyrants, who hostility seize their rights, as other people across the world, for what the funny literary work is useful?
    Moreover I think my verses somehow are rhymed, or at least let me say they are blank verses.
    It maybe you said the truth that the rhyming couplets never gonna work unless they are funny, but which a funny thing is to speak about in my poem?
    2- Important note: I usually focus on meanings.Often I see many poems here in this forum, without referring to whom, are just meaningless Embellished words , but I do give experimental meaningful words and expressions.
    3- You may know, I am not being nervous against any criticism should be done at all, but I am ready to give and receive notices and to share with others any positive criticism in order to develop our poetry.
    Last edited by Mohammad Ahmad; 01-24-2014 at 01:52 PM.
    My country is the Home of Honour And
    Without honour I haven't Home
    MMA

  4. #4
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    I spent my first forty years rhyming when I wrote. I quit as no matter how fine if sounds it will always compromise what you are trying to say. You live in Iraq. Not a walk in the park on a daily basis I can only imagine. Why f uck around with rhyming? Bleed on the page. I like my poetry raw.. but that's just me. I am not your audience so kindly disregard this letter

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

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