L.M. The Third's poetry

[L.M. The Third]

Not sure if I should transfer poems from previous threads in here too, but here is my first offering to be mauled and criticized.

I'm Good

How are you, Anne?
I'm good. And you?
reflex is strong
though flesh be weak
and all unsure

How are you, Anne?
I do not know,
but on the shore
perish the fires
i could not feed

How are you, Anne?
Indifferent well.
like period
after fragment.
behold t'was good

How are you, Anne?
Oh, not that bad.
the drifts do melt
the sun does sing.
my feet are wet

How are you, Anne?
I am well, thanks.
into whom One
pours up-welling
fountain fullness

[qimissung]

Hey L.M., good to see you. I really like this, if it's saying or doing what I think it's doing or saying. Is it showing what's behind the casual or offhand things we say to one another each day?

[L.M. The Third]

Thanks, qimi. It's been a while. Yes, I wanted to explore the phrases I default to, even when I may be feeling awful and worthless, or in need of communicating much more.

[qimissung]

Well done, I say!

[YesNo]

Nice varied responses to "How are you?" I enjoyed it.

[L.M. The Third]

An untitled Christmas poem, appearing ere the times are ripe.

Woman's cries mingle with infant's,
Stars hide from the primal counterpoint.
The climbing sun sees no new thing;
Blood and water the straw anoint.

A child of an unknown father,
Proclaimed both a god and a king –
The myth is old and no new thing.
(Yet "In a manger" still we sing.)

The days creep dark around us,
We hurry though our private woes.
Hope deferred is no new thing:
Over the heart's desire drift snows.

Old trickling melodies transform
To dolce wave that touches star.
Shy flame of hope is no new thing:
Comfort shall never more dwell far.

Caroling voices crescendo;
Spinning ornaments, childhood-bright...
This joy on earth is no new thing,
Yet happiness hallows the night.

And another, more seasonally appropriate. (The form is supposed to be a Spenserian sonnet, not that I know much about Spenserian sonnets other than their form.)

The Return of the Geese

The winter has stripped e'en our naked skin
To stigmata; Snow-blindness is become
The mural of our days. The air is thin
And grey with weariness, standing lonesome,
Waiting for the sun's forgotten ransom.
We have been mocked by the heralds of spring,
Whose teasing breezes, promises handsome,
Stol'n by the strife of tongues and the nagging
Wind, leave us to mold into earth cov'ring.
Passing the morning, we avert our eyes,
When – greeting earth with wide, embracing wings –
He announces his advent in loud cries;
His white-banded neck reaches to the clouds.
With a young sigh, the heart hides in the sound.

As always, criticisms are much appreciated (especially so I'll know if someday submitting something to a contest would be a completely ridiculous idea or not).

[prendrelemick]

The Return of the Geese is excellent. You have captured a situation and a feeling here, and illustrated it really well. "We have been mocked by the heralds of spring " struck an instant chord with me , summing up in a few words the weary experience I know too well.


On a technical note, I know little about sonnets, but I think the second sextet should be a development of the first sextet rather than having them running on through each other.

I expect to be corrected about this when the great ones arrive.

I find the competitions thread on here are worth doing whatever the standard. It's all good wordy practice.

[L.M. The Third]

The Return of the Geese is excellent. You have captured a situation and a feeling here, and illustrated it really well. "We have been mocked by the heralds of spring " struck an instant chord with me , summing up in a few words the weary experience I know too well.


On a technical note, I know little about sonnets, but I think the second sextet should be a development of the first sextet rather than having them running on through each other.

I expect to be corrected about this when the great ones arrive.

I find the competitions thread on here are worth doing whatever the standard. It's all good wordy practice.

Thanks so much for your thoughts, prendrelemick! I just wrote it last night, so glad it wasn't too bad a decision to put it out so soon.

As I understand it, since a Spenserian sonnet is three quatrains and a couplet, it doesn't have to stick so strictly to the "present a problem in the octet, solve it in the sextet" rule. However, I can see that carrying the same line from the end of Quatrain 1 to the beginning of Quatrain 2 could pose a technical problem. I would appreciate anyone else weighing in on the subject. I just chose a Spenserian sonnet as I wrote, since the third b (in line 5) came to me. Maybe the form isn't suited to this type of poem.

[L.M. The Third]

I find the competitions thread on here are worth doing whatever the standard. It's all good wordy practice.

Ah, but by Jove! I am covetous for gold, so I'm considering a few summer competitions with monetary prizes I saw advertised at the library. I realize that might be the height of hubris.

[qimissung]

I like them both a great deal, actually. Just remember that in contests, usually, or in publishing, it is considered to have been "published" if you put it on the internet.

[L.M. The Third]

I like them both a great deal, actually. Just remember that in contests, usually, or in publishing, it is considered to have been "published" if you put it on the internet.

Thank-you, quimi! Yes, I was aware. One contest I'm considering submitting to stipulated that any internet postings be removed prior to submission, so I'm assuming that if that's done it won't violate any rules. Since the other one did not make that stipulation, perhaps I should play safe and go with something I haven't "published" and removed at all.

[qimissung]

It stipulates removal prior to submission; just do that, and I think you're good.