Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Walls and Ceilings

  1. #1
    Registered User Wade-newb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    South Africa
    Posts
    40

    Walls and Ceilings

    "It's not about me".
    Somehow I knew that line was right
    From the second I said it
    And they heard
    It falling in the night

    Their gasps were hidden
    By cold and inky darkness
    And somehow I was forbidden
    From seeing her
    Again - ever.

    That was a crying night
    And I forget the fireworks from time
    To time, but they're always there
    With the smell of her hair
    And the smell of my tears

    After ten years you'd think
    Maybe know that a night like that
    Teaches you something grand
    About life and love because... children
    You need to know these things for children

    "Daddy, mommy, what is this?"
    There is so much love - beyond any posturing of a metaphor.
    How could you tell them you don't know?
    How can you not see the world from so close the floor.

    Floors, to ceilings, to walls.
    No matter the age, we all know where to wage our wars.
    Young, aging, old.
    They've heard everything I've had to say
    And to end with "goodbye"...

  2. #2
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    3,640
    Blog Entries
    1
    I enjoyed it but feel it lost its way after S3. You could in fact end it there. The final three felt that you were unveiling a great truth that wasn't apparent.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  3. #3
    Registered User Wade-newb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    South Africa
    Posts
    40
    Thank you for your feedback, it is appreciated.

  4. #4
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    3,640
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thank you for taking it. Look forward to reading you again.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

Similar Threads

  1. Eros Walls.
    By Twixn in forum General Writing
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 02-07-2012, 04:16 PM
  2. Gray walls
    By Kyriakos in forum General Writing
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-01-2011, 09:13 AM
  3. Within Four Walls
    By jurisprudent in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-23-2011, 02:20 PM
  4. The Ghost Within the Walls
    By FaithfreeDane in forum General Writing
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-27-2009, 12:54 PM
  5. walls
    By spally in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-11-2005, 12:42 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •