ARE YOU WEARING LEDERHOSEN?

Are you wearing lederhosen?
Well that’s a look you could lose
And they make your buttocks squeak
Like a pair of new shoes

A FOREST FIRE CAN START

A forest fire can easily start
With a match you carelessly threw
Yet it can take a whole box
To light your BBQ

PICKUP # 5

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
You might try to ascertain
And then you could continue
“Or should I walk by again?”

THE CARPENTERS

My wife said to me
Let’s play carpenter’s
So we got hammered
Then I'll nail her

I WENT TO MY VEG PLOT TO CHECK

I went to my veg plot to check
On my tender little darlings
And heartbreakingly I found
Decimation of my seedlings

The perpetrators are self-evident
By the tell-tale slimy slug ooze
And I could tell they had help
Due to the clearly visible Snail trail

RACING THROUGH ON THE GREEN

Racing through on the green
Breaking hard on the red
Foot dallying on the amber
Before belting across instead

I WANTED TO DONATE SPERM

I wanted to donate sperm
But there was a difficulty
I couldn’t perform
As the surroundings were iffy
Then I found you could do it by post
And I came in a jiffy

WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SUGGESTED # 1

When my girlfriend suggested
We play hospitals
I thought phwor

But all she did was
Lay me on a trolley
And leave me in a corridor