Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Untitled Composition 27

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,546

    Untitled Composition 27

    delete
    Last edited by Jack of Hearts; 05-21-2013 at 07:14 PM.

  2. #2
    Registered User Grit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Now.
    Posts
    272
    Blog Entries
    3
    Rockstar piece, very cool Jack.

    I liked the first scene a lot, it does a great job of establishing character and context for the story and it's certainly intriguing. Made me want to keep reading.

    Having him point at the picture of Rolling Stone in response to that criticism, which is harsh, tells us a lot about that character.

    Then it's continued with the reaction to the car, and the question does he even like making music anymore. It's good stuff Jack.

    Emily slept against my shoulder. Her hair whipped against my cheek in the wind. And Brian. His eyes were locked on to me in the the rearview mirror. If you do it, he had said, thatís it weíre finished Iíll leave. I had asked him just what the **** did he think he was accusing me of but his expression had remained like stone and he didnít say.
    This part really has me thinking. I didn't fully catch it the first time around. This piece has a heavy feel to it, a strong emotion.


    Keep it coming Jack, I'd be interested in reading more.
    While the truncheon may be used
    in lieu of conversation,
    words will always retain their power.
    Words offer the means to meaning,
    and for those who will listen,
    the enunciation of truth.

  3. #3
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    work, work, work
    Posts
    3,308
    Blog Entries
    151
    Not sure what to tell you. I didn't want to keep reading it, but you maintained my knat-like attention- well written. It is kind of cliche, but you do it so well...

  4. #4
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,053
    It gets better as it unravels.

    I like the laid-back, cut to the bare bones style. It suits the subject matter and you do it so well.

    Pt 2 when you're ready.

    H

Similar Threads

  1. Untitled Composition 18
    By Jack of Hearts in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 03-06-2014, 04:05 PM
  2. Untitled Composition 25
    By Jack of Hearts in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 12-27-2011, 04:56 PM
  3. Untitled Composition 3
    By Jack of Hearts in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 01-27-2011, 12:48 PM
  4. Untitled Composition 8
    By Jack of Hearts in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-12-2010, 06:31 AM
  5. Untitled Composition 12
    By Jack of Hearts in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-05-2010, 09:17 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •