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Thread: humanity

  1. #1
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    humanity

    human diginity
    comes with charity
    the less we fond
    for wants
    the more
    we let for fun
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I think I understand the intention, but "fond" is an odd word here. It seems like an adjective rather than a verb. Perhaps "fish", as is harvesting, for our wants might work better. I don't know. Just a suggestion. Also "we let" might be better as "that's left". I liked the first two lines.
    Don't forget the poetry contests at http://www.online-literature.com/for...s-amp-Contests

  3. #3
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    The placement of 'fond' is very interesting in the above lines and makes them new and nice.

  4. #4
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    Thank you both very much. YesNo your suggestions are interesting. 'that's left' makes for a different version. I like it.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

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