a symphony

[cacian]

I keen the sound
of birds
they chant
it's like
a music
slow
and dance
the lyrics
ranged
in time
are rhymes
and words
rafted
in
synch
are stound
it's almost
a symphony
of air and sea
a perfect harmony
of nature and me

[islandclimber]

I have read several of your poems and must confess that they are generally not particular to my taste. I hope it doesn't sound harsh if I say I usually find them a little trivial, the language awkward, and the rhymes a little forced, discordant, and silly.

This one, however, I do like. It's flow is much better. The language has more rhythm even though you make less use of rhyme (until those last four lines). Though I'm not sure whether you mean to use the archaic middle english word "stound"? Seeing as it's a noun, it seems awkward with "are" in front of it. Its meaning fits, as a brief time, or short while, an instant. Or the Scottish, as a pang or pain. Interesting nonetheless.

Might I suggest using "rearranged" instead of "ranged"? It would add an interesting depth to that little section.

Regardless, this poem has much merit. The image created is rather lovely, your utilization of metaphor is perfect, and I like the layers of meaning one can peel from such an outwardly simple presentation.

[cacian]

islandclimber thank you so much for reading and your honesty. Haha I like the word 'silly'.
I am glad you enjoyed this one. Thank you

[islandclimber]

I like the word silly as well. It's such a fun and youthful word. I think adults should be a little silly far more often.