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Thread: A Young Eye

  1. #1
    Registered User 2X2E5's Avatar
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    A Young Eye

    1,2,1,2. 1,1,3?
    we are taking off to place called lies,
    where everyone talks in multiple styles.
    Buying clothes to match their masks,
    subscribing to unless and cruel tasks.
    With each word a drop to the poison vile.
    Alright folks, temperature’s hot,
    your pilot has been long bought.
    Stay calm and in your seat,
    we hope you play the rules and keep neat.
    Just another mile.
    Be sure to say your last prayer
    the governments will coat it with another layer.
    We welcome you to the land of the cursed,
    where you will soon stop, drop, and burst

  2. #2
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    Another attempt at poetry wrecked by the rhyme scheme - hardly any of the lines make sense.
    Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. Write what you feel - not what a rhyming dictionary forces you to.

    You might also consider reading the guidelines to posting work on this board - one new post per day to allow others' work to be read and commented on before it disappears off the bottom of the page,

    H

  3. #3
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2X2E5 View Post
    1,2,1,2. 1,1,3?
    we are taking off to place called lies,
    where everyone talks in multiple styles.
    Buying clothes to match their masks,
    subscribing to unless and cruel tasks.
    With each word a drop to the poison vile.
    Alright folks, temperature’s hot,
    your pilot has been long bought.
    Stay calm and in your seat,
    we hope you play the rules and keep neat.
    Just another mile.
    Be sure to say your last prayer
    the governments will coat it with another layer.
    We welcome you to the land of the cursed,
    where you will soon stop, drop, and burst
    Haha whatever happened to the last 2?
    I liked these lines very much:

    we are taking off to place called lies,
    where everyone talks in multiple styles.
    Buying clothes to match their masks,
    subscribing to unless and cruel tasks.
    With each word a drop to the poison vile
    .

    and the last two lines too:

    We welcome you to the land of the cursed,
    where you will soon stop, drop, and burst
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  4. #4
    Registered User 2X2E5's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cacian View Post
    Haha whatever happened to the last 2?
    The part you said about the last 2, is that meant to be philosophical? Cause I'm struggling to understand why another number is needed the last two days haha

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