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Thread: Tree of Life

  1. #16
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Thanks Bar. I appreciate its strong and weak points. I enjoyed the challenge of using my imagination - which went into overkill!

    Happy New Year.
    The Rotten Apple Injures its Neighbour

  2. #17
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    Hi Delta. For me, your last comment says it all. I was convinced while reading but on completion I wondered - if you were composing a similar poem about your home, would you use so much vernacular, so many local phrases? There's just the slight tendency to overkill here. There isn't much else wrong with it though, the circular story is well told. I was a little bemused in places, but that was due to the combination effect of unfamiliar words and phrases with your poetic voice. For what it's worth I wouldn't fret about authenticity - aim for it of course but if it doesn't come through there are plenty of people who'll let you know. I'm sure if you aim primarily for authentic it'll appear forced, as this one does, whereas if your focus is on the poem's message and the techniques you use to convey that message authenticity, (or otherwise) will shine through. I'm no expert but most of what I write is complete fabrication!
    Good luck with this very good poem.

  3. #18
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    I apogise for my blunt reaction. I was acting on a hunch you were having a laugh as it was so undeltaesque. Its still rubbish. Tree of life, indeed!!You dont have to have visited but I think you do have to mean it. Hey Ho here we go. Ta ra diddle.(that wasnt authentic but was meant). Leaving this ego masturbation machine is my resolution.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  4. #19
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    I thought the cycle of life was interesting, but this was mostly the beginning and end. I had to look up the references and even then had difficulty with the purpose of them. I think a few commas might have helped, for example the first two lines of S2 before "which" and after "desert."

    This having been said, I applaud you for the attempt to branch out. Your writing has a fingerprint, but it is a complex fingerprint already. Though you write about familiar things, you make them new almost without fail. You demonstrate the knowledge that there is an infinity of poetry in what we see around us everyday. If you were getting discouraged with what you apply your particular "seeing" to, I would say going on a poetic walkabout like this poem is maybe exactly what you need to want to come back home and go look at that dresser drawer again.

  5. #20
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post
    Is being authentic the be all or end all of poetry or is it only one of many aims?
    Hell, No! As a matter of fact, "authenticity" with its earnest "sincerity" dripping with "honest" emotions often produces the most cloying pieces of claptrap. No, no -- irony and a clear-eyed disinterest (not the same as "uninterested")-- are elements of the most intriguing poems.
    Shakespeare: "The truest poetry is the most feigned."

  6. #21
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Pete, Jerry, FF and Auntie thanks so much for your input. It's invaluable to me.

    I hope you keep writing Jerry.
    The Rotten Apple Injures its Neighbour

  7. #22
    TobeFrank Paulclem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post
    Well I'm Australian and took up the challenge of writing about places I could only imagine. Do we stay away from it or not? Is being authentic the be all or end all of poetry or is it only one of many aims?
    I liked it - it has a lilting rythmn, and I've seen the Towers of Silence in Mumbai with the circling kites and vultures, which gave it a resonance with me.

    As for authenticity, Carol Ann Duffy, as the UK poet laureate, had that problem when she had to write about WW1.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/ju...uffy-last-post

    She solved it by writing a fiction - a re-imagining of the course of the war. She got quite a bit of stick for it on this forum, though if she'd tried to write a trench perspective, I'm sure that would have been much more inauthentic. Your poem is not trying to imagine the unimagineable though is it? It seems to be trying to encompass a perfect kind of life in that place. I think it's fine.

  8. #23
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Thanks Paul. That's most insightful. Such an approach may still have produced a nicer blend with this poem. Or perhaps dropping the tourist markers would make all the difference. Less is more.
    The Rotten Apple Injures its Neighbour

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