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Thread: The Blues

  1. #1
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    The Blues

    The Blues tell stories;
    Breathe them.
    Pain, expression, feeling.
    Blues is the truth
    A world reflected
    Sing them, kneeling.

    I had the blues
    to my roots
    When I had no boots
    And wandered through Nowhere Street
    But they melted away
    On the revival day
    I met a sinner
    who had no feet.
    Last edited by Pete Ak; 12-13-2012 at 02:30 PM.

  2. #2
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    Wow Pete this truly a brilliant piece. The last stanza especially is surreal powerful. I enjoyed it.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  3. #3
    twist twist's Avatar
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    Beautiful and I love the reference to The Rose Garden of Sa'di. Thanks for posting, Pete.

  4. #4
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    Thanks guys; Twist, I'm especially grateful for the reference, I couldn't remember where I'd come across it!

  5. #5
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    I think you mean 'Breathe' in line 2.

    Not much more I can say about this - a little simplistic (maybe because 'to my roots/When I had no boots' comes across as another example of the determination to rhyme putting words in the writer's mouth that could be expressed so much better).

    H

  6. #6
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Your passion came across, but agree with Hill about forced rhyme ( he is often impossible to disagree with). Liked the ending.
    JB

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  7. #7
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    H & JB thanks for commenting... Needless to say I expected some comment on the rhyme, (I had 'blues' and 'shoes' originally). Obviously I hoped it wouldn't detract from the poem and will continue to try and write such that rhyme doesn't detract. I know I'm not there yet but the fact that, for example, the way I've used 'away' and 'day' & 'street' and 'feet' seem more acceptable encourages me. Thanks all.

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