The Blues tell stories;
Breathe them.
Pain, expression, feeling.
Blues is the truth
A world reflected
Sing them, kneeling.
I had the blues
to my roots
When I had no boots
And wandered through Nowhere Street
But they melted away
On the revival day
I met a sinner
who had no feet.
Last edited by Pete Ak; 12-13-2012 at 02:30 PM.
Wow Pete this truly a brilliant piece. The last stanza especially is surreal powerful. I enjoyed it.
it may never try
but when it does it sigh
it is just that
good
it fly
Beautiful and I love the reference to The Rose Garden of Sa'di. Thanks for posting, Pete.
Thanks guys; Twist, I'm especially grateful for the reference, I couldn't remember where I'd come across it!
I think you mean 'Breathe' in line 2.
Not much more I can say about this - a little simplistic (maybe because 'to my roots/When I had no boots' comes across as another example of the determination to rhyme putting words in the writer's mouth that could be expressed so much better).
H
Your passion came across, but agree with Hill about forced rhyme ( he is often impossible to disagree with). Liked the ending.
JB
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
H & JB thanks for commenting... Needless to say I expected some comment on the rhyme, (I had 'blues' and 'shoes' originally). Obviously I hoped it wouldn't detract from the poem and will continue to try and write such that rhyme doesn't detract. I know I'm not there yet but the fact that, for example, the way I've used 'away' and 'day' & 'street' and 'feet' seem more acceptable encourages me. Thanks all.
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