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Thread: Contemplations on ranges

  1. #1
    Dawn Taster Astromaxis's Avatar
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    poems "Contemplations on ranges", "Axis Tilted" and "Blush Monochrome"



    Contemplations on ranges

    open source codes
    in sheets of gray —
    volumes of enigmas
    in prose and poetry

    I am a language within language
    my own connotations
    felt like acid
    like alkaline
    drips of sun on moon lake

    if there were figures of questions
    and gig-rigged answers or good ones
    what am I do?
    that's a society for you

    little by little
    the surface erodes
    and flesh finds flesh
    in a subtle explosion

    little by little
    ash turns ray
    like day becomes night
    and night is sophisticated clay

    passion needs perimeters
    and love needs lines
    gasping for space
    in a century's claustrophobic display

    wide open cages
    versatile solids
    air meets equation
    and heart changes destinations. ▬


    Axis Tilted

    the depths of mitosis
    grabbing into existence
    my spirit cajoles, commands to steer
    into monstrosity, into harmony
    I am jaded, mingled like crayons
    performing in a little stage
    an oasis on wide volume

    mirth is ambivalent
    mirth is honest
    and births of reminiscence handles the soul

    touch of rogue, touch of laughter
    blood bathed in a bridges of soft-rigidity|

    and such skeletons that ape flesh
    skeletons that bore flesh

    in the midst of an open desert
    sands don't only bury

    eyes do too . ▬

    Blush Monochrome

    blood into funnel gray
    meshed like wire weaving
    into a channel of communication

    we are strangers
    might have opposites
    but basics are basics
    anyway

    the steel grip of sound
    the whipping floor of the tongue

    lashing into bubbles of clouded crowded space

    our intimates guarded, our patterns permissable

    the endings and beginnings exposed
    to be assimilated to middles

    and chronology melds randomology

    as we are human roots of a robust, electric machine. ▬




    Last edited by Astromaxis; 10-15-2012 at 06:08 AM.

  2. #2
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Full of uniqueness but too abstract at the same time. The beginning is good:

    open source codes
    in sheets of gray —
    volumes of enigmas
    in prose and poetry

    I am a language within language
    my own connotations
    felt like acid
    like alkaline
    drips of sun on moon lake


    The antitheses are nicely done, they parallel programming languages in pairs of 10101010 throughout. But after the first two stanzas the poem falls apart, the "method" just doesn't work.

    I'm not clear as to what your point is but "open source" is a b-tch: "The IC3 has been made aware of various malware attacking Android operating systems for mobile devices." http://www.ic3.gov/media/2012/121012.aspx

    There is virtue in a more "control" system. Likewise, poetry needs some measures of control to make sense.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

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