Late Summer Evening.

[zoolane]

Late Summer Evening.

The melon pink in grave it self in the clouds.
As a bowl of haze begining to fall a sleep.
A song comes sailing across the trees.
The candles are melted within their boxes.

The ragdolls are tucked up.
The squeaking of the day has drift.
Quiet as the beam of hope dawn.

[Jerrybaldy]

Great imagery zoo. Welcome back

[hillwalker]

You manage to paint such a serene picture of the day winding down.
And the little details like the candles and the ragdolls work so well - things most people would never notice.

H

[zoolane]

Thank you Jerry and Hill, I am glad the images work well together.

[Volya]

Since you asked, then yes, I like it more so than the other one I commented on. Also the different words you use come together to make a nice feeling.
But as I said before, the only think I dislike about them is the disjointed grammar, etc.

[zoolane]

Since you asked, then yes, I like it more so than the other one I commented on. Also the different words you use come together to make a nice feeling.
But as I said before, the only think I dislike about them is the disjointed grammar, etc.

The point is language used for poetry is a variety of words is key and put them together and grammar is great, if you know how used it.

[hillwalker]

But as I said before, the only think ?? I dislike about them is the disjointed grammar, etc.

Language is a living thing - it's fluid and evolving all the time. Those of us who have been on this site since the days when Shakespeare was around know that some of what zoo writes isn't exactly grammatically correct.

We know that when she wrote 'in grave' she probably meant 'engrave'... or did she?
And should it be 'The squeaking of the day has drifted' or can 'has drift' work just as well? Have you ever heard anyone else ever write about the 'squeaking' of the day? Sometimes it's enough to read stuff like this out loud and it suddenly makes sense.

That's why we all can learn so much on here from reading each other's work.

H

[zoolane]

Late Summer Evening.

The melon pink in grave it self in the clouds.
As a bowl of haze begining to fall a sleep.
A song comes sailing across the trees.
The candles are melted within their boxes.

The ragdolls are tucked up.
The squeaking of the day has drift.
Quiet as the beam of hope dawn.

The reason why I use the word 'grave' is because if you will image the sky then suddenly other colour form. It still got to dig/ dwindle it self in to the skyline. Again two more words which integrated into something.

In the second stanza, second line is children has made lots noise during course of the summer and is drift through the country because children are go to back school.

thank you Hill.

[Haunted]

I found "melon pink" very inviting, while "grave" casts a dark cloud over my reading. All in all it's a very pleasant poem with unusual images, like candles in boxes, that takes me to someplace foreign and different, and it's been a charming "late summer evening" indeed.

[zoolane]

I found "melon pink" very inviting, while "grave" casts a dark cloud over my reading. All in all it's a very pleasant poem with unusual images, like candles in boxes, that takes me to someplace foreign and different, and it's been a charming "late summer evening" indeed.

I am glad you enjoy apart one word, got idea for the candle line from a memory of climbing Eston hills just as start to get dark and looking down all the houses.

[Haunted]

got idea for the candle line from a memory of climbing Eston hills just as start to get dark and looking down all the houses.

Knowing that makes me appreciate the poem even more!