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Thread: When Sleep Is Not Enough

  1. #1
    A 40 Bag To Freedom E.A Rumfield's Avatar
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    When Sleep Is Not Enough

    I lay there for quite some time.
    Staring out the open window
    at nothing in particular.
    The sky was a clear blue and
    the clouds a clean white, looking
    like the corner of a famous painting
    by a famous painter,
    I wonder if he felt the same as I,
    and a field and a blue sky.
    I lay there not really looking,
    not really thinking, not really feeling.


    Give me a substance
    let me forget the world
    at least once in a while
    let me forget what I hate
    and what I love
    in a long enough run love turn to hate
    or worse death
    Allow me to disregard my existence
    and yours too
    I'm tired of the sun peaking
    through the shades
    let me forget the day
    I tell you sleep is not enough
    Last edited by E.A Rumfield; 08-19-2012 at 02:53 PM.
    Her hair was like a flowing cascade and her breasts were real awesome also.
    My ***** Better Have My Money by Fly Guy
    My ***** better have my money.
    Through rain, sleet, or snow,
    my ho better have my money.
    Not half, not some, but all my cash.
    Because if she don't, I'll put my foot dead in her ***.

  2. #2
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
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    Just fine...my favorite lines:

    -"I wonder if he felt the same as I,
    and a field and a blue sky.
    I lay there not really looking,
    not really thinking, not really feeling.-"

    It seems that you are looking for a state of mind that can be achieved only trough certain forms of meditation.
    He noblest lives and noblest dies
    who makes and keeps his self-made laws

    Richard Francis Burton

  3. #3
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    I feel like the two stanzas are totally incongruent. the second one has impact and definite flow but the first one was difficult and bumpy and together they do not complement each other if you were looking for an effect. Did you just write the poem in one go?
    I used to be a Feminist ©? But now I just shut up and take it

  4. #4
    A 40 Bag To Freedom E.A Rumfield's Avatar
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    Delta I wrote them apart as two separate poems but felt they went together.
    Her hair was like a flowing cascade and her breasts were real awesome also.
    My ***** Better Have My Money by Fly Guy
    My ***** better have my money.
    Through rain, sleet, or snow,
    my ho better have my money.
    Not half, not some, but all my cash.
    Because if she don't, I'll put my foot dead in her ***.

  5. #5
    The poem was a pleasure to read but the real winner here is your signature lol.






    J

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