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Thread: Miscellaneous Landlord Recipes

  1. #1
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Miscellaneous Landlord Recipes

    1. Deep Fried Landlord

    Ingredients:
    One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
    Cauldron Of Boiling Oil

    Instructions

    Take Miscellaneous Landlord
    and immerse in boiling oil until done

    Serve to diseased cockroaches

    (note: Do NOT eat the cockroaches)



    2. Diced Landlord

    Ingredients:

    One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
    One Sharp Knife (blunt will do)
    One Shovel

    Instructions:

    Carve Miscellaneous Landlord up into cubes
    Dig medium sized hole
    Place cubes in hole
    Cover with dirt and stomp

    (worms love this one!)



    3. Landlord On Spit

    Ingredients:

    One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
    One Spit
    One Open Fire

    Instructions:

    Stick Spit through Miscellaneous Landlord
    Rotate slowly over open fire



    4. Tenderized Landlord Mince Patties

    Ingredients:

    One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
    One Cement Mixer (a washing machine will do)
    One Sharp Stick
    One Mincer
    One Hammer

    Instructions:

    Insert Miscellaneous Landlord into mixer
    Use sharp stick if it attempts to climb out
    Once subdued grind in mincer
    Form balls and flatten with hammer

    Feed patties to the sewer rats

    (note: Do NOT eat the rats)

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    You ought to collect all your landlord poems into a book. You didn't say who is most fit to consume #2 and #3.

  3. #3
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
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    Wow your poetry stretches the limits of imagination. #2 seems fine for a first course meal but I'm black and I'm from the southern U.S. so I done like me some of dem deep fried stuff. I'll take #1 either to go or as an appetizer. You don't really mention portion size (although I'm assuming a cauldron is pretty large). I'm corpulent anyway. Since I'm on a diet I guess I'll take it to go.
    My hide hides the heart inside

  4. #4
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Thanks YesNo. I think you mean what would eat it, possibly a shark?

    The landlord refuses to repair or replace the ancient oven, believing it my responsibility (thus rendering him a new, related, title) therefore I had to devise alternate methods of cooking his goose.

  5. #5
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Are you quite sure about your order Adolescent? It'll give you indigestion and heartburn just looking at it

  6. #6
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
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    I'm used to eating victuals off the floor that collects dirt. My mom is a very clumsy cook. Every time she drops some food she says I have to eat it and all the extra condiments from the floor that comes with it. Dirt is practically an insipid ingredient to me. Bring it on!

    As for #1 I like the deep fried part but cockroaches (especially their legs) remind me of spiders and I am deeply arachnophobic so leave out the cockroaches entirely and I'm ready to gorge on that as well lol.
    My hide hides the heart inside

  7. #7
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    My flat's owner has recently suddenly died. He was a great guy, repaired everything, relied on me regarding what needs to be refreshed or redecorated, completely renewed the kitchen and bathroom - I've been living in this heaven for many years and he and his wife were ever my guardian angels... we went to concerts together, I cooked dinners inspired by their generous natures....
    Therefore, with all my sympathy for your situation with an evil landlord, I can't stop myself from praising this man who was so uniquely human, friendly, caring... irreplaceable... as I can't stop myself from crying upon what has happened...
    Last edited by Bar22do; 07-24-2012 at 02:48 AM.

  8. #8
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Where's the apple in his mouth man? I like the ideas for 'cooking his goose' but dressing that goose is important too. Even a pig on spit ends up with an apple in its mouth and the stuffing up a goose's ***? well.... use your imagination MM LMAO!

    good poem otherwise.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  9. #9
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    Haha, worth the read like usual, MM. It reminds this reader of another posting of yours... stand by...







    J

  10. #10
    Registered User DieterM's Avatar
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    My own landlord is perfect in that sense that he's absent most of the time and didn't charge me more for the moment, as would be his right... yet how I sympathize with the strong feeling behind your poems! They made for a very pleasant moment at work, with all my colleagues worrying about my mental health because I was giggling so much! Really enjoyed them!
    "Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
    New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)

  11. #11
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
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    Interesting style indeed. Nothing to see with juste beautiful prose. Liked it.
    And generally (at least here in Belgium) landlords are so.
    He noblest lives and noblest dies
    who makes and keeps his self-made laws

    Richard Francis Burton

  12. #12
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear you're going through a sad time Bar22do. My condolences.

  13. #13
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Why waste a good apple on a bad apple Delta?

  14. #14
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Glad you enjoyed it JackoH. I see you've resurrected an ancient one from the Litnet depths

  15. #15
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    Funny, funny, funny. The kindling for the "open fire" should be really restrictive leases-- the untenable, "untenantable" kind.

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