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Thread: Ouija

  1. #1
    Wolf Revolte's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    The Valley, California
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    I was born inside a wheelbarrow
    where everything was locked
    inside of little castles
    that I built from tiny thoughts.

    And in them was reality
    but fantasy of sorts
    –ones with flying dinosaurs
    and rainbow coated unicorns.

    If I could I would unlock them
    but castle doors are large
    and someone told me marshmallow-men
    and zombies are in charge.

    But I think she was lying
    because somehow she's afraid
    that beyond cement and order
    she won't get the trash in which she's paid.

    And heaven won't accept her
    if she doesn't stop us all
    from basking in the moments
    of our dreams and not her God's.

    So I shook my head and chirped
    –like a bird made of flame–
    and picked the lock with my feathers
    the ones my passions made.

    And when I walked inside there
    –the biggest castle I could see–
    I found myself surrounded
    by happiness, and daylight dreams.
    "We are animals with problems that no other animal has." - Radam J. Starkiller

  2. #2
    Registered User cogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    very nice... at first, i didn't know if they were inside or outside of the castle. i enjoyed the assonance of sorts, dinosaurs, and unicorns; also, the great expression of the thoughts and fantasy.

  3. #3
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Lost in the bell's curve
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    I agree, I really like the rhyme, the assonance. Adult problems are being pondered, even as the rhyme scheme and images evoke childhood merging into adulthood.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

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