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Thread: Bunny-Bane

  1. #1
    The puddytat you saw Hawkman's Avatar
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    Bunny-Bane

    (Inspired by one of Auntie's)

    Bunny-Bane

    Bunny boys want bunny girls
    and bunny kits abundant,
    bounding unbeknownst to all
    the buzzard beaks, abradant.

    Bunnies though, taste bloody good;
    their bonny coats are b itchin’,
    benevolently lining mits
    and brims on hoods a-stitchin’.

    Beware the bunny-blight, they bark
    between their bunny burrows,
    furrowing their bunny-brows
    at all their bunny sorrows.

    Bolting when the ambience
    is broken or bedevilled,
    biding time beneath the bank,
    their bunny-gods, bewailed.

    For bunny girls and bunny boys
    are blessin’s to the beasts
    that bait the bouncin’ buggers
    and upon their bodies, feast.
    Last edited by Hawkman; 04-30-2012 at 12:13 PM.
    Oh no, not again...

  2. #2
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    Darn, I was just sitting down to really read this. When will it be back?

  3. #3
    The puddytat you saw Hawkman's Avatar
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    About now, I'd say

    LABW - H
    Oh no, not again...

  4. #4
    King of Dreams MorpheusSandman's Avatar
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    I really love this, Hawk! Such a great mix of sweetness and grotesquery. It kinda reminds me of Robert Burns' To a Mouse. It's a perfect example though of a poem that utilizes meter and rhyme to perfection, to where it becomes musical without distracting from the content. I adore some of your rhymes here; S1 ending on "abradant" is "abradant" in itself, but in a good way! That's a great example of how to take a perfect word and enhance it both with rhyme and a line/stanza ending. The only rhyme I'm not quite sold on is "bedevilled/bewailed," but there's so much tasty goodness going on in this poem I can't bash it too much.
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." --Carl Gustav Jung

    "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due." --Neil Gaiman; The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists

    "I'm on my way, from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" --The Proclaimers

  5. #5
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Cute and ghastly rolled into one Hawk.
    Success is not forever and failure is not fatal

  6. #6
    The puddytat you saw Hawkman's Avatar
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    Hi Morpheus and thanks yes, i did make a bit of a rod for my own back with the B alliteration, so it was very hard to find the right words to match in a couple of places, especially bedevilled and bewailed. I went for a best match compromise here, matching syllable count, B alliteration and ending, although the middle syllables aren't a good pair.

    Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it

    Thanks to you too Delta. Yes, it is a grusome mix of twee and savagery, but life is, don't you think?

    Live and be well - H
    Oh no, not again...

  7. #7
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Oh, the fun you must have had - and have given us - in writing this!

  8. #8
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    You cannot say the word bunny enough, I always say.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

  9. #9
    The puddytat you saw Hawkman's Avatar
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    Prince: thanks for that, but as for the fun writing it, well there was some, but a few headaches too - lol. Delighted it pleased you.

    qim: yup - Bunny be a good word

    Live long and prosper - H
    Oh no, not again...

  10. #10
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    Hawk- I have come to the conclusion that you may have a twisted sense of humor. As a master of falconry, I can see why the cuteness of a bunny is insignificant. It really is a commodity or a piece of meat.

    I agree that the poem is tight. It has a nice story-telling quality to it. There were too many "Bs" for my taste and I am a big fan of the B. But it's a matter of taste. You really do a nice job allowing the reader to feel sorry for the poor creatures.

  11. #11
    The puddytat you saw Hawkman's Avatar
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    It's taken you this long? lol. Sorry if I gave you an overdose of Bs. Certainly the humble bunny is meat, though not particularly nutritious meat, but as part of a balanced diet it's good for you, like all game. Bunnies though are also a bloody nuisance, digging holes in fields that horses can break their legs in etc. I wouldn't want to see them disappear completely though. It'd be bad for the birds

    Live and be well - H
    Oh no, not again...

  12. #12
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    I know, I can't get anything done these days- I am swamped with evaluations and IEPs. Special ed.kids are my job security!

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