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Thread: Dust

  1. #1
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    Dust

    Slowly, my past fades. The nights in Genoa when I walked along the sea, and my imagination was devoted to naive dreams of genius; songs full of future glory and beauty and adventure, which only a mind at seventeen is foolish and arrogant enough to create. Now that the guitar has gone silent, and I have forgotten the tune: only the obscure passions which the music created remain.

    The memories of my infancy and childhood in Singapore, have abandoned me. They are but castles of sand which have been erased by the sea, the same sea which has endlessly taken with it the ruins of all eternal civilizations, and heroes, and ordinary men.

    My time at university, all those nights spent with a few dear companions; youths who's spirits are bright and passionate, and able to obscure the flames of stars with their desires. Friends, the word itself seems an insult to what we were. We shared sentiments and thoughts like those of more than-brothers. The nights were filled with laughter and melancholy; sculpted by hard and steady fingers of philosophy and serious discussion; and also the softer furrows on those fingers, full of frivolity and laughter and understanding and humanity. The fingerprints of the sculptor on the clay statue of deity.

    Those nights and mornings are real and alive in my mind. Their breath still leaving a fragrance of happiness, and my companions live in my thoughts as if they were all in this quiet room with me. All those nights full of youth and life, those friendships which are worthier to me than all the sublime sights to be found in this world - they too have begun to fade. These same men which I reminisce shall continue to live for many decades, but the youths of those nights, they are gone, and slowly yet surely my memories of them crumble.

    In my mind their portraits are still stored, alive as if painted by the veined and wrinkled hands of Parrhasius and Zeuxis. But they shall decay, and the boys I once called my brothers shall become mere vague faces sketched in dust. That is all that shall remain of the tears and the smiles and the divinity which share: dust.

  2. #2
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    so...

  3. #3
    Alexander, you should really explore creative nonfiction. I see some traces of Pico Iyer in your writing, which seems effortlessly written and not too contrived.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same."

    --Jonathan Davis

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    Quote Originally Posted by miyako73 View Post
    Alexander, you should really explore creative nonfiction. I see some traces of Pico Iyer in your writing, which seems effortlessly written and not too contrived.
    Thank you for your comment

  5. #5
    Dust right now or a little later? Devoid of reason a little later?
    Last edited by cafolini; 04-30-2012 at 01:44 PM.

  6. #6
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    bumps for the sake of bumps


    P.S Cafolini I am sadly forced to ignore you comment due to its illegibility. Weather it be my limited mind which cannot understand the profundity of your words, or if my mind is indeed clear and your words lack sentiment and reason - I cannot tell.

  7. #7
    Even your aside sounds elegant. How old are you? Is that Rimbaud in your avatar or some reckless American writer? How adventurous are you? Have you gatecrashed a party stoned while rumbling poetic lines?
    Last edited by miyako73; 05-12-2012 at 03:27 PM.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same."

    --Jonathan Davis

  8. #8
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    Even your aside sounds elegant.
    Thanks, I have always had a fondness for the Elizabethan poets and dramatists, for their elegance of phrase.

    How old are you?
    19, but I will be 20 in Autumn
    Is that Rimbaud in your avatar or some reckless American writer?
    That is Fitzgerald in his 20's, the very god of American recklessness.

    How adventurous are you?
    Quite a lot, I have traveled a lot of the world, and traveling is one of the few pursuits which I do not think pathetic.

    Have you gatecrashed a party stoned while rumbling poetic lines?
    I have never gone to a party I have not been somewhat invited to.

    I am a university student, so I am stoned pretty much 24/7

    Amongst my friends I am never poetic, only satiric.

  9. #9
    Registered User Darcy88's Avatar
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    This is genius. Its a fusion of Hemingway and Wilde. Great stuff man, great stuff truly. I will analyze it more later when I'm not struggling to keep open my eyes.

  10. #10
    Alex, this reader would feel like he was insulting you if he didn't reply to this with his true estimation. It reads purple and lofty. Someone might say that's only a matter of taste, though. Fair enough. This reader doesn't think your efforts lack all value. You have to run in the direction you feel is right- so this reply is also intended as good natured encouragement.






    J

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    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy88 View Post
    This is genius. Its a fusion of Hemingway and Wilde. Great stuff man, great stuff truly. I will analyze it more later when I'm not struggling to keep open my eyes.
    You are to kind

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack of Hearts View Post
    Alex, this reader would feel like he was insulting you if he didn't reply to this with his true estimation. It reads purple and lofty. Someone might say that's only a matter of taste, though. Fair enough. This reader doesn't think your efforts lack all value. You have to run in the direction you feel is right- so this reply is also intended as good natured encouragement.
    J
    I thank you for your honesty, I could never be insulted by helpful criticism. In fact that is my chief problem, I always tend to write to abundantly and purply and it is a problem, I feared that this was too purple as well. Are there any instances in particular you think should definitely be cut to make the piece better?

  12. #12
    It's hard to say. Whenever this reader writes anything to purple or flowery it's not really a misstep in execution as much as it's a conceptual misstep. Surely everyone runs into this problem sometimes? Maybe it's more about a preconceived notion of what 'beautiful' writing is. The only thing this reader feels he can do is encourage you to search for a solution that suits you.





    J

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack of Hearts View Post
    It's hard to say. Whenever this reader writes anything to purple or flowery it's not really a misstep in execution as much as it's a conceptual misstep. Surely everyone runs into this problem sometimes? Maybe it's more about a preconceived notion of what 'beautiful' writing is. The only thing this reader feels he can do is encourage you to search for a solution that suits you.

    J
    I see what you mean, well I have found re-writing is always the best solution - to re-write and re-write and then some, till you hit on it. Will try and re-write this thing and see if I can take it somewhere .

  14. #14
    Hi again, Alex. A loose advice from a lost soul in literature:

    Your writing is already elegant, but your next step is to make your readers excited or agitated to know you and why you write that way. With your smoking habit and flagrant admiration for "the god of recklessness," you can spice your work with interesting edginess.

    Maybe you can write about strippers and prostitutes as if they are angels or about beggars as if they can grant mercy. Maybe you can make an adventurous boy who wonders all day how one makes love your hero.

    Well, these are the things I wanted to write in my youth but had no elegant prose like yours. You can write about apples elegantly but it won't move me. Write about orange peels as if they are fruits, I'll read it repeatedly word for word as if I eat them.
    Last edited by miyako73; 05-16-2012 at 05:38 AM.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same."

    --Jonathan Davis

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    I found this to be an excellent piece. I love your subject matter, Alex.
    Last edited by Mutatis-Mutandis; 05-15-2012 at 07:31 PM.

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