dichotomy

[cogs]

A white planed pearl undulates
And softly translates sunlight;
A dream gleams in this sleeping pond.
Stars laugh aloofly at city lights' limits
To navigate the pond below,
And mock no mention of manufactured glow.
That slow train transits a flattering reflection,
And moons over lavalieres' lofty glimmer.
That vain enigma never may fathom yet,
The treasured sentience 'neath this dark pond's depth.

[Hawkman]

Hello cogs, long time no see. This is a really nice poem which flows beautifully, or at least it would with a little punctuation. The images are graceful, and delivered with care and feeling. I would query the "wobbling" in the opening, it is a word which is inherently funny so it breaks the mood before the poem kicks off, and I'd be inclined to begin with an article, but apart from these minor gripes it's a good read.

Live and be well - H

[cogs]

i'm so thankful for your pointers. great advice, as i can see it needs a little rounding out with grammar.

[AuntShecky]

A nice set of images here, but I wonder if they couldn't be connected in some way. I looked in vain for two items set at odds --as suggested by your title. Where's the "dichotomy"? Give us a hint.

[cogs]

thanks aunt shecky. it is vaguely referenced by the vastnest and 'uncharted (in the orginal, yet edited to vain) enigma' of space, against the 'dream' that is beneath the pond's 'inscrutable' surface. also, the real light from the stars/moon against its reflection. maybe not the best of titles, yet it was chosen because of dichotomy's definitions:
"4.the phase of the moon, Venus, or Mercury when half of the disc is visible
usage Dichotomy should always refer to a division of some kind into two groups."

thank you for uncovering what was in the back of my mind! every little contrast and detail surely helps me more deeply create and perfect. perhaps i should have titled it according to the vanity of the lights. i'll think about it, and any suggestions are welcome.