Further into introverts

[jajdude]

Was looking for the thread about introverts and extroverts and did not see.

I don't know if this was mentioned but us strong introverts are, I presume, often digging into own ideas and seeing if they make sense and where they lead. We live in a world of thought as all people do, but for us it is striking and defining. In fact this defines us in way. For strong introverts it does

That's it, the digging. It does not stop. Not for us "deep" introverts, not that we are deep, but sometimes we are.

[Helga]

I think introversion is different depending on the person. Also in some cases they don't choose introversion it's more than wanting to be alone with your thoughts. At least in my case I feel physically ill if I spend to much time surrounded with people, even my family.

All I can say is I still haven't found anyone I enjoy spending time with as much as myself.

[hawthorns]

I think introversion is different depending on the person. Also in some cases they don't choose introversion it's more than wanting to be alone with your thoughts. At least in my case I feel physically ill if I spend to much time surrounded with people, even my family.

All I can say is I still haven't found anyone I enjoy spending time with as much as myself.

For a minute I thought I had written that. I can sympathize. We introverts are definitely introspective--too much for our own good sometimes.

[billl]

Here's a nice talk I recently saw about introverts and what things are sometimes like these days:

http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_...ntroverts.html

[Helga]

there was an article in the guardian about introverts, I can't find it but it was based on a book called : Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-In...id=LJFUJNSNUTU

[JamCrackers]

I don't believe in the concept itself. What others would call introvert and extrovert is what I would call different kinds of human entirely. As for myself, I am very in tune with my greed and selfishness. I want what I want and go after what I want. I want smart things. The life's work of a smart person carefully distilled into their writings is something that I want to see. The opinion of every common television watcher is not of value to me. I am not an introvert to the smart writer. I would love to buy the smart writer a drink and explore their thoughts. The uninteresting people would find me quite introvert. It reminds me of a personal saying, which is how do you get an expert to find you paranoid and ignorant? You fail to find them intelligent and interesting. Common minded people don't like to be reminded they are common and uninteresting. Greed is one of the purest and truest forms of honesty. It is exactly what it claims to be and has no ulterior motive.

[jajdude]

Well, these are just terms, and useful ones, which run along an axis I guess.

I don't understand having any choice in the matter. To me it seems to be largely an inborn trait, with some factors contributing to who you are. Yet some have spoken of being this in the past, and changing, which is interesting. I believe it is laid down for me though. I can act a little. I'm a teacher. Inside though is where I mostly live.

[Helga]

my thoughts on this are mainly that the world keeps telling us we need to be outgoing and open to get ahead and be happy. I often feel like people act like I am wrong because I don't want to be out and about all the time.

[Delta40]

what would you say is the criteria for an introvert? I only ask because rather than look it up in my oxford, I'd be interested in each of your own definitions.

[jajdude]

Here's a nice talk I recently saw about introverts and what things are sometimes like these days:

http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_...ntroverts.html

Good link billl. That woman has some good points. What it brings home as well is the expectation of extroversion. The preference for it, as that trait belongs to the more outgoing and the bigger talkers. Many are being overlooked, which they kind of want, as sitting in the quiet is their preferred way. Some of them are the better ones, dismissed for lesser ones, all based on how they function in social environments, more or less, and how they react to what happens around them. Some are overwhelmed easily, and other stroll right through.

Interesting stuff.

what would you say is the criteria for an introvert? I only ask because rather than look it up in my oxford, I'd be interested in each of your own definitions.

Cannot speak for others of course. For me it is a sharp thing. And keen. The energy is easily sapped. Talking a lot is not natural. It's draining. I have to do it, but it always wears me out. Glad to have a break of course.

All the things that happens around you, the people, the noise, for some this is no big deal. For others it infiltrates, it touches them and weaves throughout their consciousness.

[Delta40]

Cannot speak for others of course. For me it is a sharp thing. And keen. The energy is easily sapped. Talking a lot is not natural. It's draining. I have to do it, but it always wears me out. Glad to have a break of course.

All the things that happens around you, the people, the noise, for some this is no big deal. For others it infiltrates, it touches them and weaves throughout their consciousness.

Thanks jajdude. So you can manage to work fulltime and and interact but you'd prefer less of it because it drains you and all the day to day chaos of people and noise can really get to you. May I ask if you get bouts of agoraphobia or do you simply make free choices not to go out into the world? I hope you don't mind me asking.

[tonywalt]

We talked about this on a thread called "Reading and Introversion". In that thread I stated that if you put 100 introverts in a pub/bar/function they would no longer be introverts. It is quite often that introverts have cerebral and intellectual interests not often shared by the masses - thus the sort of isolation. As for the draining feeling, it derives from hanging around people we have little in common and perhaps do not accept us. It is very draining. But I can easily chat on here all day, as most of us are birds of a certain feather, and it is not draining but fulfilling. It's not the company, but the type of company that determines how draining it can be.

Most people who are described or self described as introverted do not want to be alone quite as much, in my learned opinion. Certainly not as much as they are alone.

I would say most are applying cognitive dissonance, and that is clear to see when you listen to them or read their own writing. And a minority truely like to be on their very own.

I for one, can't stand being isolated, and will always seek out company both male and female sometimes to talk and other times for intimacy with the opposite sex.

But back to my single point, there is an awful lot of cognitive dissonance here, as it would take a hell of a lot guts to say "I'm alone and do not want to be alone". I dare say most people just aint gonna say it like that!

As Woody Allen(no time to google the exact quote) said "Rationalisation is better than sex, can you think of a day when you didn't have a good Rationalisation?"

[Helga]

OK, in response to the 100 introverts in a bar thing, if somebody came up to me and started talking then yes I would chat and if I found them interesting I might be very open and honest but I know myself and I would never be the one to walk up to a stranger and start talking.

Another thing about introverts not wanting to be alone, I can honestly say that I don't want to be single for ever and I would enjoy the company of someone like-minded but even in a relationship I need a lot of alone time.

I don't think these situations are what make an introvert, I can talk to people and I enjoy being with a small group or one on one but on my terms, I need to feel like I can stand up and leave the minuet I want to without having to explain myself.

I think the video link on this thread (pg 1 I think) is pretty good and what she says makes sense, I also like that she pointed out that her husband is an extrovert.

the scariest thing about people (extroverts often but not only), they tend to bring more people with them...

[tonywalt]

I have read the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain referenced below and it is excellent. I agree with all she has to say and her definition of introverted as shown below:

It's how you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation. Introverts generally, but not always, prefer lower-stimulation environments in terms of people, that's where they feel at their most alive. Whereas extroverts really crave stimulation in order to feel at their best. It's important to see it this way because people often equate introversion with being antisocial, and it's not that at all – it's just a preference.

[Delta40]

I've never thought about being either introverted or extroverted. I work part time and as soon as I get out of work, I go home. That's the place where I like to be. I don't have an issue leaving the house but I do side step social gatherings where I can and only attend the things I want to. Like Helga, I need to make sure that I can get up and leave any time I choose but I've just always put that down to needing to be in control of my situation. I have one friend who I see regularly.

I am used to my own company and can live with it in terms of being single but I don't want to exist in complete isolation from the world. My social skills seem fine but since I don't expand on them beyond work and the small circle of eccentric friends I have had for years, I really couldn't say how I might come across if I hit the dating game and started partying all of a sudden, which I really doubt I'd ever do because it isn't me.

I use lit-net alot as a social substitute.