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Thread: Goofs Drug the Darndest Things

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    149

    Goofs Drug the Darndest Things

    Baseball swings digging into my fingers
    Enough of that
    Clouds moving so fast
    It’s impossible not to stare for minutes
    And wonder what their shadows cover

    It’s even harder not to notice
    A purple plastic egg
    Peeking through shrubbery

    It was never found

    Inside is a piece of chocolate
    My teeth operate like cheese graters
    As I “digest” it
    My gums snort the chocolate’s perversion

    Now the wind
    Hits my ears
    And in one flooding motion
    Drills a tunnel through my brain

    The newfound space
    Stores the light clovers
    That rage when I close my eyes
    to “shield” the sun

    I’m terrified

    But then I relax
    And enjoy

    Until the questions come
    Is this a sick world?
    Why would someone drug a chocolate egg?

    I fall asleep in the grass
    I wake up hours later
    The sun is gone
    I’m strapped into the stars
    And realize it’s as good a hobby as any

  2. #2
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    This particular one is much better than your more recent offering, "Suipride" which strikes me as prose with arbitrary line breaks. I liked the nonce word, (the pun) in the title, though.

    In this piece, I have a question: if the speaker can spot the chocolate-filled easily, how come it had never been found?

    This piece, nevertheless, is on the right track toward "defamiliarization." Next version, try to tighten up the imagery, and more effectively unite the meaning with the form.

    Keep trying. Keep posting.

    Auntie

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