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Thread: Thought You...

  1. #1
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    Thought You...

    At the small end of this deep voice
    and some hard spoken words that go right into you as you stand there
    trying, to put its shadow away
    there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
    of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss
    were you there?
    I thought I heard you standing
    I thought, you tried to hold your breath
    I thought,
    I thought you went one step into the melting night
    while my harp played
    thinking you were listening.
    Last edited by Little Gal; 01-30-2012 at 11:02 AM.

  2. #2
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    Little Gal this is great read.
    It made me think of a poem I wrote called: I thought of you.
    Ilike these lines

    I thought you went one step into the melting night
    while my harp played
    thinking you were listening


    Again it is so similar to mine this is just a line to show you what I mean
    I thought of you
    it seemed all real
    as you stood
    there
    your shadow bare
    stringing a
    word, playing
    the flute,
    you thought
    you could fly out
    to moon and back
    again.
    there is some similarities.
    Ilike your poems.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  3. #3
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    thank you for the appreciation...
    I like ur lines too...

  4. #4
    ShadowsCool ShadowsCool's Avatar
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    I can relate. Nice job

  5. #5
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    Thanks...

  6. #6
    Word Dispenser BookBeauty's Avatar
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    I meant to comment on this piece quite awhile ago! Not sure what happened.

    It looks like a lot of work went into this poem, because of the halting way it's presented, almost as if the narrator is hesitant to reveal this. There's insecurity, fear, a sense of longing, and loss. The last line is almost bitter, but hopeful. Like an unrequited love. At least that's what I get from this.

    ''there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
    of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss''

    I love this line, though I can't quite figure it out.
    There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. ~Oscar Wilde.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by BookBeauty View Post
    I meant to comment on this piece quite awhile ago! Not sure what happened.

    It looks like a lot of work went into this poem, because of the halting way it's presented, almost as if the narrator is hesitant to reveal this. There's insecurity, fear, a sense of longing, and loss. The last line is almost bitter, but hopeful. Like an unrequited love. At least that's what I get from this.

    ''there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
    of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss''

    I love this line, though I can't quite figure it out.
    whatever you get from it is beautiful and close to much of what I feel about this one...
    figuring it out is not as important as loving ...
    Thanks a lot ..

  8. #8
    Apparationed Devilio's Avatar
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    Depth

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Gal View Post
    At the small end of this deep voice
    and some hard spoken words that go right into you as you stand there
    trying, to put its shadow away
    there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
    of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss
    were you there?
    I thought I heard you standing
    I thought, you tried to hold your breath
    I thought,
    I thought you went one step into the melting night
    while my harp played
    thinking you were listening.
    This poem's voice is surely profound Well written.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devilio View Post
    This poem's voice is surely profound Well written.
    I love the way you appreciate my work...
    It is very, very encouraging...

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