The Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest

[slipee]

HAhahaha!
So many are so fantastic.
Of course, I agree!
(Great work by all!)

[cacian]

after much deliberating it is now time to announce the winner.
I have to say however that all of them were very fun to read and all deserving winners but since I can only pick one then the winner goes to
Calidore for its short but very witty and most hilarious read it really made laugh a lot haha!!
thank you all
and
congratulations Calidore!!

[MorpheusSandman]

Should be spoken by Orson Welles for best effect.

Talk about serendipity: I read this line right as I heard Orson Welles speaking since Citizen Kane is playing on the TV in the other room. Spooky!

[Calidore]

after much deliberating it is now time to announce the winner.
I have to say however that all of them were very fun to read and all deserving winners but since I can only pick one then the winner goes to
Calidore for its short but very witty and most hilarious read it really made laugh a lot haha!!
thank you all
and
congratulations Calidore!!

Cool, thanks, cacian. When it comes to posting poetry on this site, I tend to feel like Jud Fry among all the clean-cut, handsome cowboys, so I'm happy whenever something I write works for someone.

So, next line: "It's a Long Way to Tipperary." Homework due by June 1.

[slipee]

Hehe, I agree, Calidore fit the bill nicely - grats.

I'm doing one more just for fun

After the final spin, I'm still grazing on the couch
'I'll hang them out later' I murmur, with my lazy mouth
a cow on the couch grazing lazily, that's just me; let me be
Naturally is free, what's wrong with cleansing bacterially?

Go dry for me, hired cleaner;
I suppose you require a fee, can't you see
that blokes like me aren't Gents, we're much meaner
and self hygiene comes second to literacy

[YesNo]

Getting Away from Sherry

It's a long, long way to run from Sherry.
It's a long, long way, I know.
She is sweeter now with my friend Harry.
How I used to love them so.
Through the springtime they both were merry:
Why do lovebirds love a show?
It's a pity my pain's so scary.
Would it leave, too, and let me go.

[Pendragon]

That is the wrong way to rip a canary
It ruins the flavor and cut of the the meat
They are already small, so ruining one is a waste
To dine on canary you need to be wary

[MorpheusSandman]

An old couple drank them some sherry
From the waitress that served them named Mary
The man patted her ***
His wife had to sass:
"That's the wrong way to tip her, Harry."

[Calidore]

Only three?
Goodness me
Let me now make a plea
For more entries to make a proper potpourri

I'm not mad
I'm just sad
Was my start line so bad?
Should I go to Craigslist and take out a want ad?

[tailor STATELY]

"It's a Long Way to Tipperary"

My friend flew in from Texas and got
a little tipsy
Our conversation didn't faze him much
until I mentioned my dear
cow Betsie

We called it a night but later he crept out
heading for dear old Betsie
And in the moonlight in the pasture
where Betsie was fast asleep
Harry sniggered and stole up near her side

He gave Betsie quite a shove in her side
and she toppled and rolled moaning
down the hill a pace, stopped, and shook
her head a bit to clear her senses...
and that r-e-a-l-l-y fired up Harry

He laughed and snorted guffawing
his chortling and Betsy's moaning
an echoing din I awoke to - I then
ran to see what-in-the-world
was all the commotion

I said "it's a long way to tip 'er 'arry"
not much of an admonition I reckon
When dear ol' Betsie out of nowhere
busted him in the family jewels
So now I call him Mary

5/31/2012 r.6/1/2012

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Calidore]

Sorry I'm a bit late with this. As usual, it's a difficult choice, this time between YesNo's immersive melancholy, Pendragon's off-center approach, tailor's funny cow-tipping story, and newcomer-to-the-contest (welcome!) Morpheus' funny waitress-tipping story. Being especially partial to a quality limerick, I'm going to pick Morpheus this time out.

Well done, everyone. Your go, Morpheus.

[MorpheusSandman]

Thanks so much, Calidore! I think this is the first time I've ever won anything. OK, next line (from Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues):

"You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows."

[YesNo]

I wish I knew a weather man
Who knew which way my wild winds blow
Then whether north or south they go
I'd have some time to duck today
Before they roughed me up, but, hey,
It's fun to feel them when I can.

[Calidore]

Deadline, Morpheus?

[Pendragon]

"You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows."
They almost never get the weather right, anyway.
Once I walked to the bus stop in six inches of "partly cloudy."
I got sunburn one Christmas Day while riding a skateboard through "snow flurries"
We almost drowned on a "beautiful, sunny skies" in torrential rains.
Perhaps the old "Indian Weather Rock" is better:
Tie a rock onto a tripod of sticks with a strong cord.
Put the tripod outdoors, highly visible from a window.
If the rock moves back and forth, it's windy outside.
If the rock is wet, it is raining.
If the rock has turned white, it is, or has been, snowing.
If the rock grows icicles, it is freezing out.
If the rock reflects light, it's sunny.
Bye, bye weather man! Hello, Indian Weather Rock!

Pendrgon