The Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest

[BookBeauty]

Actually, it is the Shadow Radio Program call line, along with the second: 'The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay" Both lines were ended by the phrase: "The Shadow Knows!" followed by a very creepy laugh!

My mistake .. But very interesting anecdote. Thanks

[krymsonkyng]

Like Aztecs, they sacrifice slaves
because the fastest way to an elder god's favor is through heartfelt offerings
and the fastest way to a man's heart is through the sternum.
What beats me is how he-who-waking-sleeps hasn't had a coronary yet.
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
All that cholesterol and it's not like a seagod exercises or lacks for salt.
Its blood pressure must be inconceivable.
Though I suppose they burn the calories on the altar
and there's the pre-sacrifice sprint and struggle.
Is that really enough to keep the thousand eyes god looking
trim, fit and terrifying?
I have a lone request for the head cultist chef
so when the sleeping god wakes he'll be worth double takes:
Use more vegans.

[YesNo]

Evil Living It Up

How goes it, Evil, lurking in the hearts of men?
You're dining well on greed and hate and lust.
Most men don't mind once you have settled in.
The women folk enjoy you, too, I trust.

[Calidore]

Four quality entries so far, but I'd like to see more. I did forget to assign a cutoff date, so let's give it until the end of the month. Keep 'em coming, folks.

[Calidore]

I had an idea for one of my own about a farmer who tries out a new experimental feed for his chickens but finds that 1) it makes them horribly flatulent, and 2) it's contaminated with weevil eggs. As a result of 1), the 2) end up being blown all over the farm, severely impacting the crops. Thinks the horrified farmer: "Who knew that weevils lurked in the farts of hens?"

Needless to say, turning all that into a poem went way beyond my patience level, especially when the result's not eligible for judging anyway. Plus, Pendragon went and stole weevil for his own use, the fiend.

Enough stalling; time to man up and pick a winner. All had something to recommend them, but I'm going to pick BookBeauty's for her variety of applications and flawless rhythm.

Krymsonkyng's entry does remind me of a question I've always had: Why is vegan pronounced "vee-gan" (hard g) and not vej-an? They don't eat veegtables.

BookBeauty, your go. And thanks and regrets to the rest of you. I enjoyed reading the lot.

[BookBeauty]

Wow, thank you so much! I'm honoured. Really great work from the rest of you too!

The next line is: ''Never put off 'til tomorrow, what you can do today.''

Have fun with this one!

I'll make it due next Thursday, on the 8th. I can do that, right? One week! Chop chop!

[YesNo]

Delaying Pleasure, Facing Pain

Though pleasure might wait till tomorrow
And pain will rush in anyway,
It's best not to bite off more sorrow
Than one can digest well today.

[Pendragon]

Hard times affect us one and all
Every time the phone rings. another creditor calls
I've got to learn to live within my means some way
And never set out to borrow more than I can pay today

Pendragon

[BookBeauty]

I'm so, so, sorry to be late in delivering my judgment!

Two excellent, awesome entries. I'd give it a tie, if I could.

Pendragon - Your piece was really thinking outside the box here, and brought a lovely flavour to the contest guidelines. I loved what you did with this!

YesNo - Your rhythm, rhyme, and execution are really playful and fun. I enjoy fun.

Thusly, the winner is:

YesNo!

You're up.

[YesNo]

Thanks, BookBeauty! I liked yours, too, Pendragon.

So, I have to come up with a line for the next contest.

Hmm. OK. Here's the line:

Mary had a little lamb

Deadline: April 2, two weeks from now.

[Calidore]

This isn't original, so I'm just throwing it out for people's amusement. Can't remember where I first heard it.

Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised

It might work better sung.

[Pendragon]

It was Mary's time for supper
And along with scones and jam
Mashed potatoes, Caesar salad, and tea--
Mary had a little lamb

[cacian]

Mary had her little takes
she often liked to win the games
she played when she were little girl
so Mary one day got her way
she played and won a little lamb
her little lamb is now all grown
and likes to travel round in worlds
it likes to keep its options well
slightely open slightely quaint
such is Mary and the lamb
they never knew they had it phew!!
easy going and easy comes

[Dark Muse]

Mary had a little lamb
he was ever her dearest friend,
to this lamb she did confide
all of her greatest secrets
and always at supper time
a place at the table she set
so beside her the little lamb may eat,
and if she noticed the curious looks
which followed her wherever she went
she surely showed no sign,
for poor Mary never did know
that her dearest friend
existed only in her little head,
her lamb none else could see.

[YesNo]

Thanks for all the entries!

Calidore: I think I heard something like this before and I still enjoy it.

Pendragon: I liked how you ended this with Mary eating that lamb.

cacian: It is interesting how you portrayed the lamb as something Mary won in a game and how it stayed with her many years.

Dark Muse: This is a very nice description of Mary's lamb as her imaginary friend.

The winner is Pendragon!

Your poem contained the most satire, if I understand that word correctly. Congratulations!