Realism/ Horror

Slice
Slice. Drip. Drip. Slice. Drip. Drip.
That was my pattern.
A cool blade to the hot sweating skin…
What a rush it was to feel the blood slowly seep out of my body.
Watch the red flow onto the floor.
Watch the horror on people’s faces when they walked in and found me there.
Sure, sure call me sick, but does it matter anymore?
I would kill for the days that I had blood rushing through my body.
BUT … Ask me if I would change a thing that I had done… ASK ME!!!
No, NEVER.
So I am guessing you are a little lost or at least confused, correct?
Well allow me to tell you about that day, the day, any other day.
That day was a mid- October day with a light breeze I do recall.
The air was crisp and the leaves were so many different luscious colors.
(You know looking back I guess I should feel bad for what I did… But I don’t.)
Anyways, I had a normal day.
I went to high school, work and then home. (BORING)
I came home to homework. (Thanks teachers)
I sat and stared at it in confusion. (As usual)
Any other night… I would have sat there until it was done.
I would have sat there and cried or thrown the book across the room screaming at it.
(As if the book cared)
Not tonight though.
Tonight was the night.
See I walked around school with my head held high with my shoulders straight back.
People thought I had no fear, no shame, and no secrets to be kept.
And they were right… except for what you already figured out.. I CUT!! (or did)
But I am assuming you want to know why…
The answer is that I have no reason, no reason at all.
It was more of a social experiment that went rogue.
I wanted to see what all the hype was about and it turns out I liked it.
It felt good to have the blade smoothly make a clean incision
It was simply an addiction.
I guess you can say that I got bored with my life and needed an escape… my own personal high.
Just happens that one night… it went a little too DEEP.
Are you ready for my routine…? (ready or not here I go)
Late at night before bed I would sit in the tub with my razor blade and choose which leg was less sore…(I did not want to be caught..)
It always starts with one light knick.
The next one is deeper. (ahhhh)
And so on..
Sometimes I would have a little fun and play tic-tac-toe…
But it started to get where that was not even satisfying it… my hunger
They all felt like my life… boring.
So this one night I decided to play a game of: chicken.
How far could I go?? (yeahh that was a great idea…ha)
But it turns out I lost the game.