"The myth camp" my firs story

[martunia99]

Prologue
Every parent that ever lived knows that children have a great imagination and belive in things that adults don’t. They see things like fairies, hear things like footsteps at night and kids treat life like a big adventure.
When Ann was a little girl she would go into the forest and come back with interesting stories about a furry sasquatch she played skipping with her or a sparkly fairy that tought her dancing. Not only she wrote and told stories of mythological creatures she also drew them with great detail. Her parents tought that when their doughter would grow up her wild and magical friends would disapeare but her creativity grew even more. When Ann turned 12 and still belived in things most kids grow out of her parent forbid her to go to the forest. She hated them for it and still sneaked out to the forest to see her friends. When Ann turned 18 she moved out and even thou she was no longer a child she still belived in cryptids. Her dream was to open a camp that she could invite children to learn about her life time friends.

[martunia99]

Plz tell me what you think and I know my story might not be very good becuse I'm a young and beginning writer more on this tread

[Charles Darnay]

Good for you for sharing your work. I hated sharing anything I wrote when I was younger (around 12 years old).

If you are serious about writing, if it is something you want to pursue, you need to work on your grammar. I don't know if it's that English is not your first language or that you are young (or both), but the errors make this short piece difficult to read.

The idea itself is wonderful and I hope you continue with it!

Good luck!

[martunia99]

thanks you are right I'm Polish and young but thanks I will also work on my mistakes

[BookBeauty]

The grammar and spelling errors have already been mentioned, so I don't need to talk about that.

But, considering that you are a young writer, and this is the beginning of your first story, I think it's very impressive. You should be very proud, but more importantly, you should keep writing!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think this story is finished yet, and I'd love to read more about Ann and her friends!

I'm also very impressed with the way that you take advice. When I was younger, I hated criticism, because I was very sensitive. But, the most important thing about learning I've found out is that our mistakes can actually lead us in new directions.

The wrong path sometimes leads to the right path. And even if what someone says is wrong about what we have written, sometimes it helps to try to see things from that perspective.

Anyway, hope that helps! Write more! And good luck!

[martunia99]

And I will keep writing the story thank you

[martunia99]

Susie woke up early in the morning. She knew that because the sun was still hiding behind the mountains. She was very excited about a certain thing that would happen when her parents wake up. She couldn’t sleep, the clock seemed to move very slowly. The little girl got up at looked at her bag, her mum packed it 2 days before and checked it a few times but Susie still opened the bag to see if everything she needed was in it. She sat back up on her bad and read the brochure that she read many times before. “ A magical experience at The Myth Camp. Improving children’s creativity and social skills.”, she read quietly. Of course both Susie and her parents knew she didn’t lack neither of the above, but the 11 year old begged them till she was allowed to go because she loved adventures and wildlife. The girl liked animals (It was probably because her family owned a zoo) and adventures but nothing could prepare her for what was about to happen whenever it got light.

[martunia99]

Unlike Suzie, Erika woke up as late as she could and her granny had to go to her room a few times before the girl got up. She dreaded what was going to happen very soon. She loved her granny and listened to everything she said. That’s why Erika’s grandma felt very confused because it was the first time her granddaughter was angry with her. Everyone in the neighborhood knew about Erika’s bad behavior. She was always very cheeky to everyone except her granny, was mean to kids at school and nearly never did things she was asked for. Her granny didn’t think her angel was bad she thought Erika was misunderstood and sad. That’s exactly what was wrong with Erika her parents died when she was 6 years old and now the 12 year old was struggling. She thought that if she had to be sad why were other people happy and that’s why she made their lives worse. Her teacher told each other how Erika was the stupidest girl they had to teach and that she had absolutely no talents. They were very wrong, Erika was very smart, but she didn’t try and when she sang everyone that heard her felt happier, but she would never try out for the school choir because according to Erika it was lame. Her only friend was an beagle that lived with her and her granny for many years in their small, cozy house. “A summer camp for children over 7 and under 15. Manny fun activities including a daily walk to the forest to teach children how to interact with nature.”, Erika read slowly before throwing the pamphlet into her bin. She knew her granny wanted the best for her but the girl was not at all happy with her granny’s idea. On the other hand she understood that it was all her fault because she was not very creative and you could not call her very social and that’s the reason granny Margaret picked the “Myth Camp” not a the “Karate for girls camp”.

[martunia99]

Lila like the rest woke up with a certain thought on her mind. She felt proud because she with nobody’s help saved up the money to go to the camp. She woke up when she heard the alarm on her clock. She wanted to get up earlier but her roommates made a lot of noise that evening and didn’t let poor Lila sleep. The girl was used to that because she spent her whole life living with the two girls that shared a room with her in the orphanage. Her mother was still a teenager when Lila was born and gave her away because she didn’t want her. Nobody wanted her even thou young children are usually adopted first. Maybe it was her big grey eyes that didn’t seem to be the right size for her pale little face, maybe it was the “rags” she was wearing or maybe it was that Lila had no right arm since the day she was born and all the workers pitied her because they knew she was a lovely child. She got up checked if the money was in her purse and when she knew it was all there she put on her slippers and went to the bathroom. She could not wait to get out of the noisy orphanage for the summer.

[martunia99]

Abigail rang the golden bell 2 times, sat up on her water bed and waited for the maid to bring her pancakes and tea on a silver tray. The girl’s dad was a rich business man and her mum was a model. She lived in a mansion so big that it would take another book to describe how beautiful it was and tell you at least 2 lines about every room in the house. She was very spoiled and got everything she wanted, she didn’t exactly have no friends, she had many girls that came to her house to play, but I’m not sure they real friends or did they pretend to be just to use her to get stuff and do stuff their parents could not afford. After eating she got dressed into designer clothes and sat in a chair and started thinking what color of earrings matched her outfit the best, she was 14 and style and her Chihuahua diamond were all she cared about. She hated her older sister and competed with her all the time, the sisters also made each other’s lives harder, but what her sister did on Abigail’s birthday crossed the line. Everyone knew that the spoiled brat hated dirt and nature and no one could imagine such a bad present to give to her. She found a ticket in an envelope she got of her sister and was about to throw it out because she saw it was about a camp near a forest she definitely did not want to go to but then something happened and she was forced to go.
“When I got it I thought of you sis, don’t throw it away,” she said in an angels voice and gave an evil grin in Abigail’s direction.
“Go to that camp!!! I rather go to hell SIS”, she answered angrily
“ Don’t be mean to your sister she gave you it as a present and your going and that’s it Abi”, her parents said and sent her to her room because they believed her sister’s lie about how she thought the girl would like it.
That is how she was in her room saying by to her dog and ready to go to the camp of nightmares as she called it. All the other three girls were on their way to the camp too.

[hillwalker]

Martunia,

I can tell you're having fun writing this - keep it up. It's a shame no one has posted many comments on here,
possibly because us oldies don't usually read this kind of stuff and the younger members who might enjoy it
haven't got the confidence to give feedback.

I really like the idea of a 'Myth Camp' where children are sent to learn and develop their creativity.
You have also set up an interesting conflict - such a mixture of characters.
Erika is a lost cause to her teachers but we know otherwise. Perhaps she will blossom when she attends camp
- though I would have loved to learn more about the 'Karate for Girls Club'.
Then there's one-armed Lila who appears to be quite independent,
and Abigail who is the complete opposite; spoilt and about to discover what it's like to suffer some hardship.

The grammar is a little wayward here and there but the story moves along quite well.

You write with a degree of humour - my only advice would be to read through this again
about 3 or 4 weeks after you wrote it. By then it won't be as fresh in your mind
and you'll probably come across parts that can be cut back.
Keeping things brief and to the point will keep the story moving more smoothly.

Good luck, and well done so far

H

[martunia99]

thanks a lot

[tonywalt]

It is well written. Just continue to write and you will continue to improve. Amazing considering that English is not your first language.

[martunia99]

Of course it was not easy for Ann to open the camp and she had many difficulties to overcome, but she was not alone, she had her forest friends. She started working as a waitress in a small burger place and rented a room in a motel near the forest. She then with a little luck she got a better job after a while she started working in a hotel as cleaner and started earning bigger money. It was not enough to open a camp, it was barely enough for her to save anything after paying her bills and buying food. Of course Ann was to dedicated to give up her dream. She was a very hard working and stubborn. Every week she went to the forest with treats for the only people ( well not exactly people) that never failed her. The next job she got was very good and thanks to that job the camp was opened. A very wealthy family was looking for a babysitter for their two kids and when they saw how nice Ann was to them they decided to hire her. The young girl took the job and worked 5 days a week taking care of 3 year old twins Pamela and Markus. After working for 2 years Ann became best friends with the mother of the kids, Catherina. Catherina was a very independent women and knew how to take care of her own business because her husband always went to places all over the world and sometimes had to work there for over a month not coming home. When Ann’s birthday came her boss and her best friend that knew what her dream was gave her the money to buy a big piece of land big enough for her and her friends to live on and open a camp. Of course Catherina did not believe in any of the things Ann did but she wanted her friends dream to come. She didn’t only give her money for the land she also gave her money for whatever she needed to built and get for the camp.
“I can’t take that, Catherina that’s a lot of money”, Ann said
“Not for me, anyways it’s been you dream forever Ann”, Catherina answered.
“ Thanks, but are you sure?” Ann said with a smile on her face because she was happy.
“ A hundred percent sure, good luck”, Catherina ended the conversation and left the room
That was how Ann got the money but that was only the beginning of opening a camp.

[MANICHAEAN]

Dear Martunia
Thank you for contributing. It shows promise. Well done.
M.